Taking a break for a few months

I thought about it the last few days, and here's my decision.  I am going to take a break for a few months.

My blood test came back and yes, I was told to start Clomid today if I wanted to since my progestrone level was still low.

The thing is we are planning our vacation to Grenada in July for a couple of weeks.   While we are there, we will be doing island hopping, too.   Not that this clomid cycle is going to work right at the first time, but I really don't want to fly if I did get pregnant.   I don't want this trip to be our Costa Rica all over again.  Even if it was safe to fly, if anything happened, I will not able to let go. What's another few months.  In a grand scheme of things, that's nothing.  

It's silly I am worried about getting pregnant, but I really think I have no problem getting pregnant now my uterus is all cleaned out. I got pregnant the first month when I came off from the BC.  Mind you that was when I was like 22, but still.  With Tim's super sperm and  clomid induced super egg, who knows how soon this will happen.

Anyway, maybe this is good.  I have no idea when my ovulation will start again on its own, but it might just start by the time we come back from the vacation.   My period was always regular before my miscarriage.  Probably my body just needs more time.  I am sick of searching for things on internet and worrying about everything.  I am sick of the fact TTC is the only thing I think about 24/7.  Although lately, I haven't really thought about it and I feel better.

Huge difference

As I was driving to work this morning, my phone rang.  It was 813 area code so I knew it was from my RE's office so I picked up.  It was Ms. R from the RE's office.  Remember, the lady who was so nice to me when I was crying after my hysteroscopy.  She said to me "Hello, how are you?  Did you have a good weekend?  I'm calling you to give you the instruction after your blood test from last week.  Unfortunately, the result still says pending, so I can't give you the instruction just yet.  When the status changes from pending and shows me the result, I can tell you what to do.  I just wanted to call you to let you know I am seeing 'pending' right now and it may not show anything until tomorrow.  If you don't hear from me today, that means it still says pending.  I will talk to you tomorrow, but don't worry if you don't hear from me today."

What a huge difference.  I am just blown away how people from this practice is so much more attentive and nicer.  Each time I see the doctor or nurses there, I feel positive and optimistic about our situation.  With the old office I was lucky if I heard from them even after they saw the result.  Forget about just calling me to follow up!!!

It is unfortunate that the most of us trust every RE's office has its patients' best interest, while in reality, that's not the case.  I am so glad I found them.

Next step

I had my follow up with Dr. P yesterday.  Tim was able to come with me, so we took a day off from work in case I hear some horrible news.

Instead, what I learned was no more consulting Dr. Google.  All these dooms and gloom I painted...

Dr. P told me what we know from the progestrone test is that I have not ovulated.  He said even the positive OPKs were probably false positive.  He told me these tests are sometimes not very accurate so don't do them any more unless I want to waste money and worry.

He said from Dr. I's hysteroscopy, I had a tiny scar tissue that banded around the entrance of my uterus, which he took out so it's fine.  I asked him if the scar regrew, and he said we can do another hysteroscopy to find out, but more than likely, it is taken care of.  He sent Dr. I a note to see what he thinks about checking it out again.

Well, so I haven't had a period since I haven't ovulated.  He said it was much better than ovulating and not getting a period.  He told me there was no point in really doing a laparoscopy to find anything more about my uterus.  I do have a unicounuate uterus, but it is what it is and doing a laps will not fix anything.  He reassured me he has seen many women with my condition go on and have healthy babies.  Some will have c-section, but for the most part, uterus does expand.  He explained to us different types of unicornuate uterus, but said if I had the one with two tubes and one closed tube type, I would have had a really serious problem with my period pains (with blood being trapped in the tube), I would have known by now.  More than likely, I was just born with half the tube and uterus.

Dr. P said that Tim's sperm count, volume, and motility are just excellent so as long as I ovulate and we have our sex at the right time, his sperms have no problem swimming upward and meet my egg. Now my polyp is gone and my uterus is fine, he said he sees no reasons why I will not become pregnant.

With Dr. P's order, I went to have my blood drawn so he can figure out when I can start taking clomid.  Since I haven't had my period, he will just decide what CD I am going to be on.  He said clomid should induce my ovulation, but if my body doesn't take it, he will up the dosage and try again.  He also told us that there are other types of medicine, but they are more expensive and have more side effects, so we can try with this first.

Dr. P was so positive and when we left, Tim said "OMG, all these things you were feeding my brain... Please don't go on the internet and read all these things again."  

Oh, and something that POS doctor from other practice didn't tell us.  The baby we lost in December was a girl.  I am glad I know.  I kept on calling that baby "it." But now I won't have to.

Spotting or period... I am sick of this

I woke up 3 am to go to bathroom and there she was.  Period.  But again, I have no idea what the hell this is supposed to mean. My weekly progestrone blood drawing has been 0.5 and 1.6 for the last two weeks, which my nurse said I have not ovulated.  Then why am I getting my period?  Doesn't that mean my progestrone had gone down?  I have blood that is more than spotting, but it's not really like a period.  This is not "full flow."

I am so tired of this.  I want to move on.  It's been almost 4 months since my D&C.  After Dr. I removed the scar tissue, I thought I was done.  Did the scar grow back?

I am really mad that I had D&C instead of medically induced miscarriage.  The pill would have cost a lot cheaper.  Instead, that damn doctor immediately moved to do a D&C.  As it is, I am defective with my half a uterus.  Now I am even more defective.  As I wait around, I am already 36 pushing 37.  I can't be waiting to see what happens with my body.  Time is ticking away and before I know it, my factory will close.

I looked at adoption option and it is costs as much as doing a three round of IVF.  I wonder if I should just look for a surrogate.  It is cheaper in Mexico.

Next Step

The lady called me back just now!!!

So I will be doing blood work for progestrone once a week for next three weeks.  He wants to see when I ovulate.  She said I could pick a day I like and that will be the day I will have my blood drawn so I picked Mondays.  She will be calling me back every Wednesday to tell me the result.

She also booked me another appointment for 3/28/14 with Dr. P so he can go over things with me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find out any more about my condition or if we should be ttc, but at least I know what I will be doing the next few weeks.

I was afraid I will go completely insane if I didn't hear from her before the end of today so I am pretty relieved.  The most frustrating thing about going through infertility is all these waiting.  We wanted everything yesterday.  I still must say we have come a long way since last year around this time.  I was completely oblivious about all these things that are wrong with me then.

I will try to take this waiting time to be healthier.  

Waiting Game

Ughh.  It's been three days and I still haven't heard back from the clinic.  I couldn't wait so I emailed  receptionist lady and she responded she is waiting to hear from him, too.

I guess he is busy, but this waiting thing is killing me.  What am I doing next????

Unicornuate Uterus

Today was the day for my hysteroscopy.  The doctor who performed the procedure was not my new doctor, but he was a nice one, too.  I also have to say I am so happy that I switched my RE practice entirely.  People at USF are so nice.  Nurse, receptionist, doctors, everyone.  I waited no time before I was taken to the room.  The nurse told me to pee so she could make sure I wasn't pregnant.  She took my blood pressure and it was really high, very abnormal for me.  She thought it was probably because I was nervous.

Dr. I came in and he asked me if I understood why we had to do this procedure.  He told me to tell him in my words, tell him my understanding so he knew I understood why.

Dr. I and nurse made sure I was able to see the screen as he performed the procedure.  He put the numbing agent around my cervix, but when the camera was inserted, I just gasped, because it was pretty painful.  He said he saw a significant scar tissue and camera won't go in.  He pulled it out then put more numbing agent.  He broke the scar tissue then he put the camera in.  I didn't even want to look at the screen.  It was kind of gross and it was also painful.  Not like crazy pain now I am done, but it was very uncomfortable.  I could feel the camera squiggling around inside of me.  He took pictures of my uterus and in about 10-15 minutes, we were done.  He was talking to me and was telling me I was doing very well. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him "Bad, but You are kinda up there and I will just suck it up.  No turning back now."  He laughed and said "We will stop if you are really feeling bad."  I told him "Just finish please, I need to see the end of this.  I am okay."

He showed me the pictures and explained to me each picture.  First, I had a scar tissue which he was able to take out.  Second, he was able to see my right side of uterus and right fallopian tube hole, but not the other side.  From what he saw today he said, it looked like I have "Unicornuate Uterus."  Basically, this is a birth defect and I have two ovaries, but I only have half the uterus and one side of tube.  He said my doctor will take a look at these pictures probably want to schedule HSG to confirm my condition.

When I asked him if I still had a polyp, he said it was gone and the uterus I had, even though it was half, looked fine.  I asked him if we should even try to get pregnant.  He said he wouldn't see why not, but told me it was probably just better to wait what Dr. P could do for me before we try again.

I asked him about my AFC from the other day.  He said it was 22 and anything more than 10 is great.  When I told him my old doctor counted only 5 and I asked her to recount, he said "she didn't recount for you, that's fine."  He said "It doesn't matter, we counted 22 and you are good in my book."

The nurse took me to the receptionist area to schedule, but when I got dressed, I was still crying.  Pain had been gone already, but I just felt bad for me.  How can I have half the uterus...  I feel bad to tell my mother.  I am afraid she will feel responsible and will be hurt.  I don't think it was my parents' fault or anything like that.  This is the card that I was dealt with.  It is what it is.  The nurse asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to have a glass of water before we walked to the scheduling lady.  I told her I was okay.

After she dropped me off at the scheduling lady, the scheduling lady asked me if I was okay.  She then told me to come in so I wasn't hanging around in the waiting room like that.  I started crying again because they were just so nice.  She asked me if I was crying because of the pain and if I was okay to drive home.  She said I could sit with them until I felt better and she gave me a glass of water and tissue.  She said Dr. Plosker will look at the pictures and let her know the next step and them she will call me.  She gave me another ibuprofen just in case.  I took it and finished my water and told her I was okay and thanked her.

I still feel pretty bad about my situation, but I feel very fortunate that I was able to switch my doctor.  Look at these people.  What a difference.  They are just 1000 times nicer than the old one.

Once I calm down, it will be time for me to ask Dr. Google about the situation.