I thought about it the last few days, and here's my decision. I am going to take a break for a few months.
My blood test came back and yes, I was told to start Clomid today if I wanted to since my progestrone level was still low.
The thing is we are planning our vacation to Grenada in July for a couple of weeks. While we are there, we will be doing island hopping, too. Not that this clomid cycle is going to work right at the first time, but I really don't want to fly if I did get pregnant. I don't want this trip to be our Costa Rica all over again. Even if it was safe to fly, if anything happened, I will not able to let go. What's another few months. In a grand scheme of things, that's nothing.
It's silly I am worried about getting pregnant, but I really think I have no problem getting pregnant now my uterus is all cleaned out. I got pregnant the first month when I came off from the BC. Mind you that was when I was like 22, but still. With Tim's super sperm and clomid induced super egg, who knows how soon this will happen.
Anyway, maybe this is good. I have no idea when my ovulation will start again on its own, but it might just start by the time we come back from the vacation. My period was always regular before my miscarriage. Probably my body just needs more time. I am sick of searching for things on internet and worrying about everything. I am sick of the fact TTC is the only thing I think about 24/7. Although lately, I haven't really thought about it and I feel better.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
Huge difference
As I was driving to work this morning, my phone rang. It was 813 area code so I knew it was from my RE's office so I picked up. It was Ms. R from the RE's office. Remember, the lady who was so nice to me when I was crying after my hysteroscopy. She said to me "Hello, how are you? Did you have a good weekend? I'm calling you to give you the instruction after your blood test from last week. Unfortunately, the result still says pending, so I can't give you the instruction just yet. When the status changes from pending and shows me the result, I can tell you what to do. I just wanted to call you to let you know I am seeing 'pending' right now and it may not show anything until tomorrow. If you don't hear from me today, that means it still says pending. I will talk to you tomorrow, but don't worry if you don't hear from me today."
What a huge difference. I am just blown away how people from this practice is so much more attentive and nicer. Each time I see the doctor or nurses there, I feel positive and optimistic about our situation. With the old office I was lucky if I heard from them even after they saw the result. Forget about just calling me to follow up!!!
It is unfortunate that the most of us trust every RE's office has its patients' best interest, while in reality, that's not the case. I am so glad I found them.
What a huge difference. I am just blown away how people from this practice is so much more attentive and nicer. Each time I see the doctor or nurses there, I feel positive and optimistic about our situation. With the old office I was lucky if I heard from them even after they saw the result. Forget about just calling me to follow up!!!
It is unfortunate that the most of us trust every RE's office has its patients' best interest, while in reality, that's not the case. I am so glad I found them.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Next step
I had my follow up with Dr. P yesterday. Tim was able to come with me, so we took a day off from work in case I hear some horrible news.
Instead, what I learned was no more consulting Dr. Google. All these dooms and gloom I painted...
Dr. P told me what we know from the progestrone test is that I have not ovulated. He said even the positive OPKs were probably false positive. He told me these tests are sometimes not very accurate so don't do them any more unless I want to waste money and worry.
He said from Dr. I's hysteroscopy, I had a tiny scar tissue that banded around the entrance of my uterus, which he took out so it's fine. I asked him if the scar regrew, and he said we can do another hysteroscopy to find out, but more than likely, it is taken care of. He sent Dr. I a note to see what he thinks about checking it out again.
Well, so I haven't had a period since I haven't ovulated. He said it was much better than ovulating and not getting a period. He told me there was no point in really doing a laparoscopy to find anything more about my uterus. I do have a unicounuate uterus, but it is what it is and doing a laps will not fix anything. He reassured me he has seen many women with my condition go on and have healthy babies. Some will have c-section, but for the most part, uterus does expand. He explained to us different types of unicornuate uterus, but said if I had the one with two tubes and one closed tube type, I would have had a really serious problem with my period pains (with blood being trapped in the tube), I would have known by now. More than likely, I was just born with half the tube and uterus.
Dr. P said that Tim's sperm count, volume, and motility are just excellent so as long as I ovulate and we have our sex at the right time, his sperms have no problem swimming upward and meet my egg. Now my polyp is gone and my uterus is fine, he said he sees no reasons why I will not become pregnant.
With Dr. P's order, I went to have my blood drawn so he can figure out when I can start taking clomid. Since I haven't had my period, he will just decide what CD I am going to be on. He said clomid should induce my ovulation, but if my body doesn't take it, he will up the dosage and try again. He also told us that there are other types of medicine, but they are more expensive and have more side effects, so we can try with this first.
Dr. P was so positive and when we left, Tim said "OMG, all these things you were feeding my brain... Please don't go on the internet and read all these things again."
Oh, and something that POS doctor from other practice didn't tell us. The baby we lost in December was a girl. I am glad I know. I kept on calling that baby "it." But now I won't have to.
Instead, what I learned was no more consulting Dr. Google. All these dooms and gloom I painted...
Dr. P told me what we know from the progestrone test is that I have not ovulated. He said even the positive OPKs were probably false positive. He told me these tests are sometimes not very accurate so don't do them any more unless I want to waste money and worry.
He said from Dr. I's hysteroscopy, I had a tiny scar tissue that banded around the entrance of my uterus, which he took out so it's fine. I asked him if the scar regrew, and he said we can do another hysteroscopy to find out, but more than likely, it is taken care of. He sent Dr. I a note to see what he thinks about checking it out again.
Well, so I haven't had a period since I haven't ovulated. He said it was much better than ovulating and not getting a period. He told me there was no point in really doing a laparoscopy to find anything more about my uterus. I do have a unicounuate uterus, but it is what it is and doing a laps will not fix anything. He reassured me he has seen many women with my condition go on and have healthy babies. Some will have c-section, but for the most part, uterus does expand. He explained to us different types of unicornuate uterus, but said if I had the one with two tubes and one closed tube type, I would have had a really serious problem with my period pains (with blood being trapped in the tube), I would have known by now. More than likely, I was just born with half the tube and uterus.
Dr. P said that Tim's sperm count, volume, and motility are just excellent so as long as I ovulate and we have our sex at the right time, his sperms have no problem swimming upward and meet my egg. Now my polyp is gone and my uterus is fine, he said he sees no reasons why I will not become pregnant.
With Dr. P's order, I went to have my blood drawn so he can figure out when I can start taking clomid. Since I haven't had my period, he will just decide what CD I am going to be on. He said clomid should induce my ovulation, but if my body doesn't take it, he will up the dosage and try again. He also told us that there are other types of medicine, but they are more expensive and have more side effects, so we can try with this first.
Dr. P was so positive and when we left, Tim said "OMG, all these things you were feeding my brain... Please don't go on the internet and read all these things again."
Oh, and something that POS doctor from other practice didn't tell us. The baby we lost in December was a girl. I am glad I know. I kept on calling that baby "it." But now I won't have to.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Spotting or period... I am sick of this
I woke up 3 am to go to bathroom and there she was. Period. But again, I have no idea what the hell this is supposed to mean. My weekly progestrone blood drawing has been 0.5 and 1.6 for the last two weeks, which my nurse said I have not ovulated. Then why am I getting my period? Doesn't that mean my progestrone had gone down? I have blood that is more than spotting, but it's not really like a period. This is not "full flow."
I am so tired of this. I want to move on. It's been almost 4 months since my D&C. After Dr. I removed the scar tissue, I thought I was done. Did the scar grow back?
I am really mad that I had D&C instead of medically induced miscarriage. The pill would have cost a lot cheaper. Instead, that damn doctor immediately moved to do a D&C. As it is, I am defective with my half a uterus. Now I am even more defective. As I wait around, I am already 36 pushing 37. I can't be waiting to see what happens with my body. Time is ticking away and before I know it, my factory will close.
I looked at adoption option and it is costs as much as doing a three round of IVF. I wonder if I should just look for a surrogate. It is cheaper in Mexico.
I am so tired of this. I want to move on. It's been almost 4 months since my D&C. After Dr. I removed the scar tissue, I thought I was done. Did the scar grow back?
I am really mad that I had D&C instead of medically induced miscarriage. The pill would have cost a lot cheaper. Instead, that damn doctor immediately moved to do a D&C. As it is, I am defective with my half a uterus. Now I am even more defective. As I wait around, I am already 36 pushing 37. I can't be waiting to see what happens with my body. Time is ticking away and before I know it, my factory will close.
I looked at adoption option and it is costs as much as doing a three round of IVF. I wonder if I should just look for a surrogate. It is cheaper in Mexico.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Next Step
The lady called me back just now!!!
So I will be doing blood work for progestrone once a week for next three weeks. He wants to see when I ovulate. She said I could pick a day I like and that will be the day I will have my blood drawn so I picked Mondays. She will be calling me back every Wednesday to tell me the result.
She also booked me another appointment for 3/28/14 with Dr. P so he can go over things with me.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find out any more about my condition or if we should be ttc, but at least I know what I will be doing the next few weeks.
I was afraid I will go completely insane if I didn't hear from her before the end of today so I am pretty relieved. The most frustrating thing about going through infertility is all these waiting. We wanted everything yesterday. I still must say we have come a long way since last year around this time. I was completely oblivious about all these things that are wrong with me then.
I will try to take this waiting time to be healthier.
So I will be doing blood work for progestrone once a week for next three weeks. He wants to see when I ovulate. She said I could pick a day I like and that will be the day I will have my blood drawn so I picked Mondays. She will be calling me back every Wednesday to tell me the result.
She also booked me another appointment for 3/28/14 with Dr. P so he can go over things with me.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find out any more about my condition or if we should be ttc, but at least I know what I will be doing the next few weeks.
I was afraid I will go completely insane if I didn't hear from her before the end of today so I am pretty relieved. The most frustrating thing about going through infertility is all these waiting. We wanted everything yesterday. I still must say we have come a long way since last year around this time. I was completely oblivious about all these things that are wrong with me then.
I will try to take this waiting time to be healthier.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Waiting Game
Ughh. It's been three days and I still haven't heard back from the clinic. I couldn't wait so I emailed receptionist lady and she responded she is waiting to hear from him, too.
I guess he is busy, but this waiting thing is killing me. What am I doing next????
I guess he is busy, but this waiting thing is killing me. What am I doing next????
Monday, February 24, 2014
Unicornuate Uterus
Today was the day for my hysteroscopy. The doctor who performed the procedure was not my new doctor, but he was a nice one, too. I also have to say I am so happy that I switched my RE practice entirely. People at USF are so nice. Nurse, receptionist, doctors, everyone. I waited no time before I was taken to the room. The nurse told me to pee so she could make sure I wasn't pregnant. She took my blood pressure and it was really high, very abnormal for me. She thought it was probably because I was nervous.
Dr. I came in and he asked me if I understood why we had to do this procedure. He told me to tell him in my words, tell him my understanding so he knew I understood why.
Dr. I and nurse made sure I was able to see the screen as he performed the procedure. He put the numbing agent around my cervix, but when the camera was inserted, I just gasped, because it was pretty painful. He said he saw a significant scar tissue and camera won't go in. He pulled it out then put more numbing agent. He broke the scar tissue then he put the camera in. I didn't even want to look at the screen. It was kind of gross and it was also painful. Not like crazy pain now I am done, but it was very uncomfortable. I could feel the camera squiggling around inside of me. He took pictures of my uterus and in about 10-15 minutes, we were done. He was talking to me and was telling me I was doing very well. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him "Bad, but You are kinda up there and I will just suck it up. No turning back now." He laughed and said "We will stop if you are really feeling bad." I told him "Just finish please, I need to see the end of this. I am okay."
He showed me the pictures and explained to me each picture. First, I had a scar tissue which he was able to take out. Second, he was able to see my right side of uterus and right fallopian tube hole, but not the other side. From what he saw today he said, it looked like I have "Unicornuate Uterus." Basically, this is a birth defect and I have two ovaries, but I only have half the uterus and one side of tube. He said my doctor will take a look at these pictures probably want to schedule HSG to confirm my condition.
When I asked him if I still had a polyp, he said it was gone and the uterus I had, even though it was half, looked fine. I asked him if we should even try to get pregnant. He said he wouldn't see why not, but told me it was probably just better to wait what Dr. P could do for me before we try again.
I asked him about my AFC from the other day. He said it was 22 and anything more than 10 is great. When I told him my old doctor counted only 5 and I asked her to recount, he said "she didn't recount for you, that's fine." He said "It doesn't matter, we counted 22 and you are good in my book."
The nurse took me to the receptionist area to schedule, but when I got dressed, I was still crying. Pain had been gone already, but I just felt bad for me. How can I have half the uterus... I feel bad to tell my mother. I am afraid she will feel responsible and will be hurt. I don't think it was my parents' fault or anything like that. This is the card that I was dealt with. It is what it is. The nurse asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to have a glass of water before we walked to the scheduling lady. I told her I was okay.
After she dropped me off at the scheduling lady, the scheduling lady asked me if I was okay. She then told me to come in so I wasn't hanging around in the waiting room like that. I started crying again because they were just so nice. She asked me if I was crying because of the pain and if I was okay to drive home. She said I could sit with them until I felt better and she gave me a glass of water and tissue. She said Dr. Plosker will look at the pictures and let her know the next step and them she will call me. She gave me another ibuprofen just in case. I took it and finished my water and told her I was okay and thanked her.
I still feel pretty bad about my situation, but I feel very fortunate that I was able to switch my doctor. Look at these people. What a difference. They are just 1000 times nicer than the old one.
Once I calm down, it will be time for me to ask Dr. Google about the situation.
Dr. I came in and he asked me if I understood why we had to do this procedure. He told me to tell him in my words, tell him my understanding so he knew I understood why.
Dr. I and nurse made sure I was able to see the screen as he performed the procedure. He put the numbing agent around my cervix, but when the camera was inserted, I just gasped, because it was pretty painful. He said he saw a significant scar tissue and camera won't go in. He pulled it out then put more numbing agent. He broke the scar tissue then he put the camera in. I didn't even want to look at the screen. It was kind of gross and it was also painful. Not like crazy pain now I am done, but it was very uncomfortable. I could feel the camera squiggling around inside of me. He took pictures of my uterus and in about 10-15 minutes, we were done. He was talking to me and was telling me I was doing very well. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him "Bad, but You are kinda up there and I will just suck it up. No turning back now." He laughed and said "We will stop if you are really feeling bad." I told him "Just finish please, I need to see the end of this. I am okay."
He showed me the pictures and explained to me each picture. First, I had a scar tissue which he was able to take out. Second, he was able to see my right side of uterus and right fallopian tube hole, but not the other side. From what he saw today he said, it looked like I have "Unicornuate Uterus." Basically, this is a birth defect and I have two ovaries, but I only have half the uterus and one side of tube. He said my doctor will take a look at these pictures probably want to schedule HSG to confirm my condition.
When I asked him if I still had a polyp, he said it was gone and the uterus I had, even though it was half, looked fine. I asked him if we should even try to get pregnant. He said he wouldn't see why not, but told me it was probably just better to wait what Dr. P could do for me before we try again.
I asked him about my AFC from the other day. He said it was 22 and anything more than 10 is great. When I told him my old doctor counted only 5 and I asked her to recount, he said "she didn't recount for you, that's fine." He said "It doesn't matter, we counted 22 and you are good in my book."
The nurse took me to the receptionist area to schedule, but when I got dressed, I was still crying. Pain had been gone already, but I just felt bad for me. How can I have half the uterus... I feel bad to tell my mother. I am afraid she will feel responsible and will be hurt. I don't think it was my parents' fault or anything like that. This is the card that I was dealt with. It is what it is. The nurse asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to have a glass of water before we walked to the scheduling lady. I told her I was okay.
After she dropped me off at the scheduling lady, the scheduling lady asked me if I was okay. She then told me to come in so I wasn't hanging around in the waiting room like that. I started crying again because they were just so nice. She asked me if I was crying because of the pain and if I was okay to drive home. She said I could sit with them until I felt better and she gave me a glass of water and tissue. She said Dr. Plosker will look at the pictures and let her know the next step and them she will call me. She gave me another ibuprofen just in case. I took it and finished my water and told her I was okay and thanked her.
I still feel pretty bad about my situation, but I feel very fortunate that I was able to switch my doctor. Look at these people. What a difference. They are just 1000 times nicer than the old one.
Once I calm down, it will be time for me to ask Dr. Google about the situation.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Ultra Sound appointment
I had my ultra sound appointment today for AFC. I didn't schedule SIS because I didn't get a full flow of period. The appointment went so quickly. Driving and parking at the hospital was more work.
Transvaginal wand was kind of uncomfortable. There was a screen on the wall so I could see what the technician was doing on the monitor. She was clicking away really fast, but I noticed she clicked "fibroids" and "endmetriosis." She then clicked away "folicle" After she was done, she printed out the report to take to the front desk. I glanced at the report and it said 13 folicles for one side of the ovary and 9 for the other. That is 22! I wonder if doing a regular ultra sound makes a difference, but seriously? The old doctor's office counted 5 and told me I didn't have much time left. When Tim told her to recount AFC since all the other numbers looked right and that AFC made no sense, the old doctor looked offended and said her technician with over 20 years experience wouldn't miscount.
Anyway, I feel relieved. I was so worried that they won't see anything and I thought I will be told I was going through an early menopause!!!
I have a hysteroscopy scheduled for next Monday so my new doctor can take a look at what is going on in my baby room. I was told to take 800mg Ibuprofen but I want something to knock me out. I don't trust "you will have a discomfort."
Transvaginal wand was kind of uncomfortable. There was a screen on the wall so I could see what the technician was doing on the monitor. She was clicking away really fast, but I noticed she clicked "fibroids" and "endmetriosis." She then clicked away "folicle" After she was done, she printed out the report to take to the front desk. I glanced at the report and it said 13 folicles for one side of the ovary and 9 for the other. That is 22! I wonder if doing a regular ultra sound makes a difference, but seriously? The old doctor's office counted 5 and told me I didn't have much time left. When Tim told her to recount AFC since all the other numbers looked right and that AFC made no sense, the old doctor looked offended and said her technician with over 20 years experience wouldn't miscount.
Anyway, I feel relieved. I was so worried that they won't see anything and I thought I will be told I was going through an early menopause!!!
I have a hysteroscopy scheduled for next Monday so my new doctor can take a look at what is going on in my baby room. I was told to take 800mg Ibuprofen but I want something to knock me out. I don't trust "you will have a discomfort."
Monday, February 17, 2014
Full flow
I called my new RE this morning to let them know I got my period. I left the message as instructed. Someone from the office called me back to cancel my ultra sound with AFC to schedule SIS with AFC. When she asked to confirm my CD 1 was Saturday, I said "well, about that, I don't know if I should call this a period. It seems to be too light to be my normal period.... " She asked me "Do you want to wait until tomorrow to see if it turns into a full period? Do you normally have period like you are having now? " I told her I really didn't know what to make of it. I said to her that the way I was cramping on Saturday, it felt like I should have more of a full blown gushing out kind of bleeding, but instead it was more like spotting. It was more than spotting, but only when I wipe. I said I was sorry, but I couldn't decide whether it is period or not and I just didn't think it was a "full flow." She was nice and told me I could call her back tomorrow and we can decide then.
I still can't shake my suspicion of having Asherman's syndrome. I got my period as I am having withdraw symptom from stop taking Provera. But it feels as if my body is squeezing out blood a little by little. There's only a spec of blood on my pad. I am not using tampons and this feels too little blood to be called a period.
I think I will tell the lady I'd rather pretend this wasn't my period and have a regular ultra sound along with hysteroscopy to check for scarring.
I am so glad I switched my doctor. Even the scheduling lady is more patient. She didn't try to cut me off and listened. I can feel I am less stressed out knowing they call me when they tell me they will.
I still can't shake my suspicion of having Asherman's syndrome. I got my period as I am having withdraw symptom from stop taking Provera. But it feels as if my body is squeezing out blood a little by little. There's only a spec of blood on my pad. I am not using tampons and this feels too little blood to be called a period.
I think I will tell the lady I'd rather pretend this wasn't my period and have a regular ultra sound along with hysteroscopy to check for scarring.
I am so glad I switched my doctor. Even the scheduling lady is more patient. She didn't try to cut me off and listened. I can feel I am less stressed out knowing they call me when they tell me they will.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Welcome back AF!!
Welcome back AF. Oh how I missed you. I never thought that the day will come to say this, but I truly missed having my period.
It started yesterday morning where I felt really bad cramping. When I went to the bathroom, there she was!
Although I expected it to be gushing heavy flow judging from the pain I was in, but it's been really light. This worries me a little. Oh well, when I go for SIS, I will tell my RE about my concern. I need him to rule out the possible Asherman's syndrome.
There will be a baby shower coming up for a pregnant girl at work. Strangely, I am not so dreaded about going to the baby shower. I am actually excited. Sadly, I still get coupons from stores, thanks to me signing up for all sorts of coupons when I was pregnant. They keep on coming... and I don't know how to stop them. This girl is super sweet and I am very happy that she is pregnant. It used to bother me to see her growing belly, but lately, it doesn't hurt me so much any more. Of course I am envious, but I don't know, I am just happy for her and I know my turn will come soon.
It started yesterday morning where I felt really bad cramping. When I went to the bathroom, there she was!
Although I expected it to be gushing heavy flow judging from the pain I was in, but it's been really light. This worries me a little. Oh well, when I go for SIS, I will tell my RE about my concern. I need him to rule out the possible Asherman's syndrome.
There will be a baby shower coming up for a pregnant girl at work. Strangely, I am not so dreaded about going to the baby shower. I am actually excited. Sadly, I still get coupons from stores, thanks to me signing up for all sorts of coupons when I was pregnant. They keep on coming... and I don't know how to stop them. This girl is super sweet and I am very happy that she is pregnant. It used to bother me to see her growing belly, but lately, it doesn't hurt me so much any more. Of course I am envious, but I don't know, I am just happy for her and I know my turn will come soon.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
What a difference
What a difference. I am simply amazed how different my experience was with my new doctor. I thought about switching doctors within the same practice, but I decided I would just go to a completely different practice instead. University of South Florida offers infertility treatment and I read bunch of good reviews. Many of them are like me, they used to go to the one I was going then switched to USF.
I got lucky and was able to make an appointment for yesterday. If the cancellation didn't open up, I had to wait until the end of March.
My appointment was at 10 am, but I was in a waiting room for about 30 minutes before the nurse came to take my vitals. I was sent back out to the waiting room to wait almost another half an hour before the doctor called my name. When I was in the waiting room, I was talking to one of the patients and she said we have to get used to with the wait, because when someone gets period or ovulate or pregnant or whatever happens, the doctor needs to squeeze them in. That's not something we can plan ahead. That's so true.
First difference. The actual doctor came to the waiting room to get me. That would have never happened at the old practice. The nurse used to take me to the room and left me waiting in a room until my doctor decided to come in.
He looked over the medical records that were sent from the old practice and took his time and explained to me in details and possible causes of my blocked Fallopian tube.
He then explained what was going on in my uterus. Then about the polyp. He told me my AFC being lower than normal for my age is certainly a concern, but there's nothing we can do about it and lower AFC doesn't mean my egg qualities are bad. Besides, all my other hormone level looked good, so he'd recount the AFC again just to make sure.
Now about my period situation. At first, he said it might take a while for my body to heal. I told him what has been going on and how I ovulated twice since my D&C and felt like I skipped my period in between. I told him I was on Provera which I just finished taking my last dose. He listened to me very attentively and he typed everything I said in his laptop. He also asked me questions to clarify he understood what I was trying to tell him.
He told me that basically, I was starting from the scratch and we are going to address my issues one by one. The first thing is to figure out what is going on in my uterus. He said my period should start within a week since I was on medication. If not, he would see if I am pregnant one last time which is less likely. If not pregnant, then he would suspect Asherman's syndrome and he would do a diagnostic hysteroscopy in the office to see what kind of adhesion had formed.
He scheduled me to come in next week either way. He said having period will change the method, but either way, ultra sound will be performed to recount my AFC.
The whole time, he was positive. I guess since he is a doctor with the University and teaches, he was very through with his explanation. He mentioned NOTHING about how I was doomed. He didn't even mention IVF.
He walked me to the receptionist and told her his plan with me and what she had to schedule for me. Again, this never happened at the old practice. The doctor would have been long gone and I was left with a nurse who handed me a brochure for the procedure. Of course, I didn't know any better then. Now I know.
I walked out of the hospital so happy about switching my RE.
This really solidifies my belief. Female doctors SUCKS when it comes to RE, OB/GYN.
I got lucky and was able to make an appointment for yesterday. If the cancellation didn't open up, I had to wait until the end of March.
My appointment was at 10 am, but I was in a waiting room for about 30 minutes before the nurse came to take my vitals. I was sent back out to the waiting room to wait almost another half an hour before the doctor called my name. When I was in the waiting room, I was talking to one of the patients and she said we have to get used to with the wait, because when someone gets period or ovulate or pregnant or whatever happens, the doctor needs to squeeze them in. That's not something we can plan ahead. That's so true.
First difference. The actual doctor came to the waiting room to get me. That would have never happened at the old practice. The nurse used to take me to the room and left me waiting in a room until my doctor decided to come in.
He looked over the medical records that were sent from the old practice and took his time and explained to me in details and possible causes of my blocked Fallopian tube.
He then explained what was going on in my uterus. Then about the polyp. He told me my AFC being lower than normal for my age is certainly a concern, but there's nothing we can do about it and lower AFC doesn't mean my egg qualities are bad. Besides, all my other hormone level looked good, so he'd recount the AFC again just to make sure.
Now about my period situation. At first, he said it might take a while for my body to heal. I told him what has been going on and how I ovulated twice since my D&C and felt like I skipped my period in between. I told him I was on Provera which I just finished taking my last dose. He listened to me very attentively and he typed everything I said in his laptop. He also asked me questions to clarify he understood what I was trying to tell him.
He told me that basically, I was starting from the scratch and we are going to address my issues one by one. The first thing is to figure out what is going on in my uterus. He said my period should start within a week since I was on medication. If not, he would see if I am pregnant one last time which is less likely. If not pregnant, then he would suspect Asherman's syndrome and he would do a diagnostic hysteroscopy in the office to see what kind of adhesion had formed.
He scheduled me to come in next week either way. He said having period will change the method, but either way, ultra sound will be performed to recount my AFC.
The whole time, he was positive. I guess since he is a doctor with the University and teaches, he was very through with his explanation. He mentioned NOTHING about how I was doomed. He didn't even mention IVF.
He walked me to the receptionist and told her his plan with me and what she had to schedule for me. Again, this never happened at the old practice. The doctor would have been long gone and I was left with a nurse who handed me a brochure for the procedure. Of course, I didn't know any better then. Now I know.
I walked out of the hospital so happy about switching my RE.
This really solidifies my belief. Female doctors SUCKS when it comes to RE, OB/GYN.
Monday, February 10, 2014
More reasons to run from my RE
Third day of Provera. I can't believe I have to take this for four more days and hope this will bring out my period.
I felt so exhausted yesterday and I slept all day and all night. I think it is from taking this medicine. I also had a series of crazy dreams that kept on waking me and Tim up throughout the night. Tim was pissed that I was screaming and grabbing him in the middle of the night. I can't be held responsible for what I do when I am sleeping....
I really don't think this pill will bring on the period. If anything, I feel like it will mess things up. Since I felt that I ovulated on or around 1/31/14, if nothing else, I will be due having my period this coming Friday anyway.
I did a lot of thinking and researching this weekend about our RE. Many reviewers complained the same things. They seem too busy to care. Their primary goal seem to be making money, they don't seem to have your best interest, etc.
Truly, do I have to wait for my period to have SIS done to see if my polyp is still there? Or is she just trying to make easy bucks? After all, that procedure takes less than 5 minutes but is over $1200 procedure based on reading the explanation of benefits. Why couldn't my nurse ask the doctor a simple question until Wednesday when she physically walks in to the office that nurse works at? She works at different location, I know that, but I called and spoke to a nurse on Friday. Was my doctor on a fucking vacation outside of the cell phone range? Is she too good to read emails in this day and age?
Didn't she seem to be so quick to jump on recommending us to do IVF? After HSG. why didn't she explain to me what type of blockage it was? Why didn't she give me a choice of taking a pill to induce miscarriage? When I spoke to the nurse, I told her I was sure I ovulated twice. I told her I felt I ovulated and had a positive OPK at the beginning of January, then two weeks later, I felt like I was getting my period, but it was just a feeling. I told her two weeks after that, I had another positive OPK. Now, did the nurse tell my doctor all these details or did these details get lost by the time the message got to my doctor. Maybe the nurse told her all these details and she still didn't give a crap about what I was saying. I will never know since it seems to be impossible to speak to my fucking doctor unless I make an appointment at over $300, only to receive a 5 minutes of her uncaring, can't wait to leave attitude appointment session.
Oh and I almost forgot. No I didn't forget, I just don't want to think about "what if" scenario, so I pretend that I forgot. SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO PERFORM U/S ONE LAST TIME BEFORE SHE DID D&C. SHE NEVER DID!!!!!!!!! If she did, neither Tim or I were made aware that she did anything. She was supposed to do U/S after that to make sure all of the contents were out. Did she? I don't think she did that either. If she did, then why the hell do I need to still do SIS to see if the polyp is still there??? Tim said he didn't want to bring it up, because he was afraid doing so would have upset me more, but he said to me yesterday, right there, he was done with them.
I tried to make excuses for my doctor, but I don't think I can any more. It is a pain in a butt to start again with new doctor, but I guess that is what I need to do. The thing is if she took her time to explain the reasons why she can and cannot do certain things at certain time, then, maybe it would have made me feel better.
I felt so exhausted yesterday and I slept all day and all night. I think it is from taking this medicine. I also had a series of crazy dreams that kept on waking me and Tim up throughout the night. Tim was pissed that I was screaming and grabbing him in the middle of the night. I can't be held responsible for what I do when I am sleeping....
I really don't think this pill will bring on the period. If anything, I feel like it will mess things up. Since I felt that I ovulated on or around 1/31/14, if nothing else, I will be due having my period this coming Friday anyway.
I did a lot of thinking and researching this weekend about our RE. Many reviewers complained the same things. They seem too busy to care. Their primary goal seem to be making money, they don't seem to have your best interest, etc.
Truly, do I have to wait for my period to have SIS done to see if my polyp is still there? Or is she just trying to make easy bucks? After all, that procedure takes less than 5 minutes but is over $1200 procedure based on reading the explanation of benefits. Why couldn't my nurse ask the doctor a simple question until Wednesday when she physically walks in to the office that nurse works at? She works at different location, I know that, but I called and spoke to a nurse on Friday. Was my doctor on a fucking vacation outside of the cell phone range? Is she too good to read emails in this day and age?
Didn't she seem to be so quick to jump on recommending us to do IVF? After HSG. why didn't she explain to me what type of blockage it was? Why didn't she give me a choice of taking a pill to induce miscarriage? When I spoke to the nurse, I told her I was sure I ovulated twice. I told her I felt I ovulated and had a positive OPK at the beginning of January, then two weeks later, I felt like I was getting my period, but it was just a feeling. I told her two weeks after that, I had another positive OPK. Now, did the nurse tell my doctor all these details or did these details get lost by the time the message got to my doctor. Maybe the nurse told her all these details and she still didn't give a crap about what I was saying. I will never know since it seems to be impossible to speak to my fucking doctor unless I make an appointment at over $300, only to receive a 5 minutes of her uncaring, can't wait to leave attitude appointment session.
Oh and I almost forgot. No I didn't forget, I just don't want to think about "what if" scenario, so I pretend that I forgot. SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO PERFORM U/S ONE LAST TIME BEFORE SHE DID D&C. SHE NEVER DID!!!!!!!!! If she did, neither Tim or I were made aware that she did anything. She was supposed to do U/S after that to make sure all of the contents were out. Did she? I don't think she did that either. If she did, then why the hell do I need to still do SIS to see if the polyp is still there??? Tim said he didn't want to bring it up, because he was afraid doing so would have upset me more, but he said to me yesterday, right there, he was done with them.
I tried to make excuses for my doctor, but I don't think I can any more. It is a pain in a butt to start again with new doctor, but I guess that is what I need to do. The thing is if she took her time to explain the reasons why she can and cannot do certain things at certain time, then, maybe it would have made me feel better.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Provera
I took my first one of seven doses of Prevera today. Supposedly, these pills will induce my period. We'll see. If I had Asherman's syndrome, then it won't matter.
On Thursday morning, I went for a blood pregnancy test. Unfortunately, it was not nurse Heather who drew my blood. I knew with my insurance, they have to send my blood work out to a lab and wait for the result until the following day. I thought "OK. Friday afternoon then." Well, Friday afternoon came and almost went. At 4:30 pm, I couldn't wait any more, so I called the office. When I told the receptionist that I was there on Thursday for a blood pregnancy test, she gave the phone to the nurse from the day before. She said "Your test result was negative." She then sounded like she was ending the conversation, so I had to say "Excuse me. Yes, I already knew the result would be negative, but I thought after you guys confirm the negative result, you were going to prescribe Provera to induce my period." She responded very enthusiastically "Oh yeah, sure. Do you want us to call your prescription in?" I wanted to scream at her and say "WTF is the matter with you? Of course I need you to call in the damn thing. You know damn well I can't just walk in to a pharmacy and buy them over the counter!" She just confirm my pharmacy location and hang up. No instruction for the pills, nothing whatsoever.
I immediately texted Tim to let him know what a fucking moron that nurse was. I already knew I was not pregnant. I was only trying to go through the motion to please these people since my doctor didn't seem to take me seriously when I told them I felt like I ovulated but my period did not come.
If pills work, then I can go in for SIS. If not, I have more reasons to go there and insist them to check more things out.
Tim agreed that our RE is not mean, but she just does not appear to be so interested in what we are trying to do, which is to have a baby. I don't know any more. There are three other doctors in the same group and I think I'd like to switch to one of them. It's not like I am going to go to a complete different practice, so I'd think it can't be difficult. I sort of feel guilty, and I know I don't need to feel that way.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Being my own advocate
Being my own advocate is something I am having to learn after being in the US. I moved here from Japan when I was 19 and have lived here almost half of my life and I still have a hard time doing this. Slowly but surely, I know I have learned how. When I go back to Japan, people tell me I am too abrasive. I'd like to say that I had to be this way to survive in this country. But let me say that this abrasive person in Japan is still considered to be a very meek mannered Asian in this country. The art of dancing around, reading each other's mind, that kind of things don't exist here. You'd better speak up or you won't get anything.
When I speak to my mother or my friends in Japan, it reminds me how I used to believe what doctor said was sort of absolute. They are the ones who know the best. Their best interest is your well beings. That's how it is in Japan. Hahaha!! Not here. I wish I could be that naive again. They might know better, but they might not. They might very well have their own agenda. They can care less about me when they have to worry about their malpractice insurance and all the other stuff.
I wish I was pushing to get tested when my OB/GYN told me I should wait for at least 6 months to see if I could get pregnant naturally. I knew then something wasn't right already. I just knew after a few months of trying. After Tim's sperm analysis came back fine, I was even more sure that something was wrong with me. Why did I wait again to see if I would get pregnant in 4-5 months after that before I went to see my RE for a full blown exam? I knew there was something, but yet, I listened to my doctor. Actually, she didn't even refer me to the RE until I mentioned to her "hey, I waited, now what?" As a matter of fact, she asked me if I had the same sex partner when I went in for my annual pap smear. She then looked at my chart and was like "Sorry, I see you are trying to conceive here.." Is she fucking kidding me???
In my earlier post, I was wondering if I should cancel my next Monday appointment. I don't think I should. I think I should see her and ask her to find our for sure there's no adhesion. She may not want to believe Asherman's Syndrome is to be so common. She may not want to feel like she is responsible if that happened after she performed D&C on me. But I know I ovulated. and I know I ovulated, but yet I had no period. I am going to insist her to investigate further. If she turned out she was right and it was just my body not being ready, big deal. I'd rather her be right. BUT I DO NOT want to waste any more time!!! Why wait three or more months, trying this and that when it can be so simple as her to perform hysteroscopy in the first place.
Why should I worry if I am asking too many questions. She is getting paid well enough.
When I speak to my mother or my friends in Japan, it reminds me how I used to believe what doctor said was sort of absolute. They are the ones who know the best. Their best interest is your well beings. That's how it is in Japan. Hahaha!! Not here. I wish I could be that naive again. They might know better, but they might not. They might very well have their own agenda. They can care less about me when they have to worry about their malpractice insurance and all the other stuff.
I wish I was pushing to get tested when my OB/GYN told me I should wait for at least 6 months to see if I could get pregnant naturally. I knew then something wasn't right already. I just knew after a few months of trying. After Tim's sperm analysis came back fine, I was even more sure that something was wrong with me. Why did I wait again to see if I would get pregnant in 4-5 months after that before I went to see my RE for a full blown exam? I knew there was something, but yet, I listened to my doctor. Actually, she didn't even refer me to the RE until I mentioned to her "hey, I waited, now what?" As a matter of fact, she asked me if I had the same sex partner when I went in for my annual pap smear. She then looked at my chart and was like "Sorry, I see you are trying to conceive here.." Is she fucking kidding me???
In my earlier post, I was wondering if I should cancel my next Monday appointment. I don't think I should. I think I should see her and ask her to find our for sure there's no adhesion. She may not want to believe Asherman's Syndrome is to be so common. She may not want to feel like she is responsible if that happened after she performed D&C on me. But I know I ovulated. and I know I ovulated, but yet I had no period. I am going to insist her to investigate further. If she turned out she was right and it was just my body not being ready, big deal. I'd rather her be right. BUT I DO NOT want to waste any more time!!! Why wait three or more months, trying this and that when it can be so simple as her to perform hysteroscopy in the first place.
Why should I worry if I am asking too many questions. She is getting paid well enough.
Nice nurse Heather
I like Heather the nurse at my RE's office. She was the one who spoke to me and took my blood when I first found out I was pregnant. I remember her calling to tell me my number was excellent. I remember her telling me not to worry because she will cancel my surgery. I think there are several other nurses there, but she is the nicest. I just ask to speak to her when I call these days. If I simply ask for nurse, there's no telling who I will get. I also think this not so friendly receptionist is on vacation or something, because the last few times I called, I have been getting a nice one. For example, last week, when I first decided to call my RE's office, this not so friendly one answered and when I told her I needed to make an appointment with my doctor, she just said "for what do you need to see her?" I said, "well, I had my D&C in December and I haven't had my period." She just said "Oh you need to do a follow up then." I was thinking "Not exactly, because I did have my follow up..." After she went ahead and booked my appointment, I told her I'd like to ask a nurse's opinion, because she might have something else to say before I go through with the appointment I just made. She told me to hold on and put me straight to the voice mail. Now with the nicer receptionist, it went a little differently. You see, when I made my appointment with the mean one, I was flustered and didn't write down the exact time. So I called back and the nice one answered. After she told me my appointment time and told her I wanted to speak to Heather the nurse, she put me on hold and went to look for her. Anyway, she found out Heather didn't have a chance to speak to the doctor yet, but she told me she would have her call me as soon as she knows what is up.
So this afternoon, Heather called me and said she spoke to my doctor. My doctor wants me to come in for blood pregnancy test. Bwahahaha!!! What pregnancy test? I know I am not pregnant and that's why I am having a hard time! She said once she confirms it is negative, then she will prescribe me provera to start my period. She will be able to do my blood test tomorrow so I will be there first thing in the morning. It will be messed up if that blood test shows up I am pregnant. I know I am not. I asked her if I should just cancel my appointment with my doctor on Monday but she said it was up to me. A part of me feels like there's no point in going to see my doctor at this point. It is the new year so I know with my high deductible health insurance, my visit will not be cheap. Another part of me thinks so what I get pills to induce my period. If thickening of my uterine lining and occlusion is the issue, it won't matter what she gives me, nothing will shed, meaning I won't get period. Even if I did get my period, what if it doesn't come again next month, doesn't just mean I just bought some time and not really figuring out the root cause of my issue?
I hope when I go to get my blood test, Heather will be there. I really don't like other nurses. They are not mean, but they are not extra nice. I think I am already in emotionally fragile status when I go there, feeling very insecure, I need to be treated with extra care. If I had a choice, I don't even want to be there in the first place. I'd rather be getting pregnant in no time and go to a regular OB/GYN like normal people. I'd rather be ignorant and optimistic like normal people. I prefer not having to go see a RE who will always prepare you for the worst case scenario. Well, that ship has sailed a long long time ago for me. I will never be able to be optimistic even if I get pregnant again. I will always feel like it will be yanked away without any notice.
So this afternoon, Heather called me and said she spoke to my doctor. My doctor wants me to come in for blood pregnancy test. Bwahahaha!!! What pregnancy test? I know I am not pregnant and that's why I am having a hard time! She said once she confirms it is negative, then she will prescribe me provera to start my period. She will be able to do my blood test tomorrow so I will be there first thing in the morning. It will be messed up if that blood test shows up I am pregnant. I know I am not. I asked her if I should just cancel my appointment with my doctor on Monday but she said it was up to me. A part of me feels like there's no point in going to see my doctor at this point. It is the new year so I know with my high deductible health insurance, my visit will not be cheap. Another part of me thinks so what I get pills to induce my period. If thickening of my uterine lining and occlusion is the issue, it won't matter what she gives me, nothing will shed, meaning I won't get period. Even if I did get my period, what if it doesn't come again next month, doesn't just mean I just bought some time and not really figuring out the root cause of my issue?
I hope when I go to get my blood test, Heather will be there. I really don't like other nurses. They are not mean, but they are not extra nice. I think I am already in emotionally fragile status when I go there, feeling very insecure, I need to be treated with extra care. If I had a choice, I don't even want to be there in the first place. I'd rather be getting pregnant in no time and go to a regular OB/GYN like normal people. I'd rather be ignorant and optimistic like normal people. I prefer not having to go see a RE who will always prepare you for the worst case scenario. Well, that ship has sailed a long long time ago for me. I will never be able to be optimistic even if I get pregnant again. I will always feel like it will be yanked away without any notice.
Friday, January 31, 2014
UGHH!!!
So I called my RE's office on Tuesday to speak to a nurse. I couldn't remember if I was supposed to wait for 4-6 weeks from the date of the D&C or the date of follow up appointment.
The nurse clarified it was 4-6 weeks from the date of the D&C. Fine, that makes today that 6th weeks. I can't believe it has been 6 weeks, but it has been. I guess I would have been 13 weeks pregnant if things were fine.
Yesterday, again, I had this really really stretchy CM. It surely makes me think I might be having Asherman's. The last time I had my positive OPK was on 1/5, I think. It's been about one cycle away from then. Since I am definitely not pregnant, where the hell is my period then!!!! I just know I won't get my period. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week. I figured I would go ahead and call my RE's office for an appointment, but she won't be available until 2/10. Are they fucking kidding me? Why is it she seemed to magically have openings if I needed her for other things. For example, if I get my period today, I'd be calling to schedule my SIS to look for that stupid polyp and she will take me because it has to be done during the certain days of your menstrual cycle. If I said I have a positive pregnancy test, she would have me in her office this afternoon for a damn blood work. I left a message for a nurse to get back with me. Hopefully, she will try to work something out for me. Why the hell do I have to wait another week just for my doctor to see me maybe for five minutes MAX. It aggravates me. It's not some small fees she will be charging me either. It's bad enough I had to have miscarriage and D&C, why am I still in limbo? I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON!!!!! I still need to have other procedures to correct my problems and I am sure that will take time for me to recover, too. Let me get to that step!!!! I don't have forever here.
The nurse clarified it was 4-6 weeks from the date of the D&C. Fine, that makes today that 6th weeks. I can't believe it has been 6 weeks, but it has been. I guess I would have been 13 weeks pregnant if things were fine.
Yesterday, again, I had this really really stretchy CM. It surely makes me think I might be having Asherman's. The last time I had my positive OPK was on 1/5, I think. It's been about one cycle away from then. Since I am definitely not pregnant, where the hell is my period then!!!! I just know I won't get my period. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week. I figured I would go ahead and call my RE's office for an appointment, but she won't be available until 2/10. Are they fucking kidding me? Why is it she seemed to magically have openings if I needed her for other things. For example, if I get my period today, I'd be calling to schedule my SIS to look for that stupid polyp and she will take me because it has to be done during the certain days of your menstrual cycle. If I said I have a positive pregnancy test, she would have me in her office this afternoon for a damn blood work. I left a message for a nurse to get back with me. Hopefully, she will try to work something out for me. Why the hell do I have to wait another week just for my doctor to see me maybe for five minutes MAX. It aggravates me. It's not some small fees she will be charging me either. It's bad enough I had to have miscarriage and D&C, why am I still in limbo? I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON!!!!! I still need to have other procedures to correct my problems and I am sure that will take time for me to recover, too. Let me get to that step!!!! I don't have forever here.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Happy Monday
I like Mondays. I always have more energy on Mondays. I think I am most motivated on Mondays, too. It's a new week and you are given another chance to get things right.
When I say this to people, they look at me funny and say "I guess that's a good way to look at it."
The thing is when I was working on my Masters in Accounting through accelerated program, we had to get through each class in 5 weeks. We were doing one class at a time, but we were able to get through the whole program in a year while normal Masters in Accounting is two year program. Our projects were always due on Sunday. Working full time, I studied throughout the week, but I was glued to my desk on Saturdays and Sundays. So, weekends weren't something fun. Rather, Mondays were fun, because I could goof off a little. This kind of stuck with me and that's why I like Mondays.
Anyway, I kind of gave up about getting my AF. I figured I'd give it another couple of weeks before I start to freak out and call my RE what the hell is going on. I hope to God I don't have Asherman's Syndrome where scar tissue forms around my uterus resulting in adhesions that my whole uterine cavity is occluded.... From what I read, I have 30% possibility of getting this stuff with my missed miscarriage and D&C. I have never won a lottery, I have never been lucky, but I feel like I will be the lucky one when it comes to bad stuff. I mean look at me. 1 out 4 women have miscarriage and I was the lucky 25%.
I listen to Pandora when I am at work on my headset. Normally, it's just a background for me to tune out other people and I don't really pay attention to the lyrics or anything like that. I also have heard this song many times before but I never really paid much attention or if I did, I thought she was singing about some guy. But suddenly, it made me think she was probably singing about a baby. The song is Celine Dion's New
Day Has Come. I was completely blindsided by what I think she was singing about. This song reminded me how happy I was for the few weeks I was pregnant.
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush now
I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love
Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has come
A new day has come
Where it was dark now there's is light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, i found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
When I say this to people, they look at me funny and say "I guess that's a good way to look at it."
The thing is when I was working on my Masters in Accounting through accelerated program, we had to get through each class in 5 weeks. We were doing one class at a time, but we were able to get through the whole program in a year while normal Masters in Accounting is two year program. Our projects were always due on Sunday. Working full time, I studied throughout the week, but I was glued to my desk on Saturdays and Sundays. So, weekends weren't something fun. Rather, Mondays were fun, because I could goof off a little. This kind of stuck with me and that's why I like Mondays.
Anyway, I kind of gave up about getting my AF. I figured I'd give it another couple of weeks before I start to freak out and call my RE what the hell is going on. I hope to God I don't have Asherman's Syndrome where scar tissue forms around my uterus resulting in adhesions that my whole uterine cavity is occluded.... From what I read, I have 30% possibility of getting this stuff with my missed miscarriage and D&C. I have never won a lottery, I have never been lucky, but I feel like I will be the lucky one when it comes to bad stuff. I mean look at me. 1 out 4 women have miscarriage and I was the lucky 25%.
I listen to Pandora when I am at work on my headset. Normally, it's just a background for me to tune out other people and I don't really pay attention to the lyrics or anything like that. I also have heard this song many times before but I never really paid much attention or if I did, I thought she was singing about some guy. But suddenly, it made me think she was probably singing about a baby. The song is Celine Dion's New
Day Has Come. I was completely blindsided by what I think she was singing about. This song reminded me how happy I was for the few weeks I was pregnant.
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush now
I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love
Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has come
A new day has come
Where it was dark now there's is light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, i found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Where are you AF?
Two days later from that suspicious pregnancy test. I'd think I will get BFP if I really was pregnant, but meh. Nothing. It is just BFN yesterday and today. I guess it was either terrible evaporation line or I had chemical pregnancy or maybe I had some left over hormone from my last pregnancy.
AGHH!! Where is my period! I've been all ready and walking around with pads in my purse and change of underwear at all time for the past week. I've hated getting my period all these times, but now I really want it to come.
I guess she will visit when she is damn well ready. Until then, I will be afraid when she will strike and have no clue of her where about. Oh God, what if she comes in full force when I am at the gym. I have been avoiding white pants just in case.
Tim is now telling me not to drink alcohol just in case. It is kind of unfair. :(
I am also afraid what if my factory is out of business... Oh please please, NOOO! I need my AF back!!!
AGHH!! Where is my period! I've been all ready and walking around with pads in my purse and change of underwear at all time for the past week. I've hated getting my period all these times, but now I really want it to come.
I guess she will visit when she is damn well ready. Until then, I will be afraid when she will strike and have no clue of her where about. Oh God, what if she comes in full force when I am at the gym. I have been avoiding white pants just in case.
Tim is now telling me not to drink alcohol just in case. It is kind of unfair. :(
I am also afraid what if my factory is out of business... Oh please please, NOOO! I need my AF back!!!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Am I seeing things?
I have no idea where I am at in my cycle now. All I know is I had my procedure on 12/20/13 and I am waiting for my period to come back. I thought I ovulated on 1/5/14 or somewhere around there as I had some really stretchy CM, which was very very unusual for me for quite some time. My opk had also turned positive, so I am quite sure I ovulated then. I also took a pregnanvy test around that time and saw it was negative. Now, where the hell is my period? Without it, we cannot move forward....
Anyway, I took another pregnancy test just for the hell of it now, and I think I see a very very faint line. Tim thinks I am seeing things, but I do see it ..
I compared it with the one I saved with Tim's pee on it from a few months ago and all I see on it is a plain white with dark control line. I guess I will wait a few days to see if it gets darker. If not, I will wait for a few more weeks and go see my doctor. I don't know what to make of it. I thought I would get my period by now. I had that heavy feeling about a week ago, so I have been carrying around pads ever since. What is going on with my body!!!! It is so frustrating.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
2 weeks post D&C
It has been a little over 2 weeks from my D&C on 12/20. Bleeding continued on and off until Yesterday. On 12/30, as I was getting ready to go to work, I could feel a lot of blood was dripping down. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I figured it wasn't that big of a deal since I had super long maxi pad on me. I drove to work, but I continued to feel the blood dripping and a little cramping. Fifteen minutes later, I arrived at my office and as soon as I sat my bag on my desk, I grabbed another maxi pad and headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. After all, it was 10 days after the procedure and my bleeding so far was pretty minimal. When I pulled down my pants, I gasped in horror. Clumpy clots that looked like I spilled half a jar of grape jelly were on the maxi pad and also some of the same thing fell out between my legs onto the toilette and the floor. I was like "is this my baby? No no, this is not the baby, but what the hell is this?" I also had to clean the floor real quick before someone came in. I was in tears. I was scared first off, and I just wanted to know why I had to go through this. It sounds gross, but I folded the pad lightly in half and put it in the trash basket, went back to my desk to grab my phone, came back to the bathroom, unfolded the pad, and took a picture of the pad. I am not going to post it here... It's probably way TMI.... When I called my doctor, she said that happen sometimes, and I had to wait it out. It seems that was the final gunk in my uterus. After that, the bleeding almost stopped.
On Friday, I had my post operation appointment. Tim came with me, but I guess he didn't really have to. Well, he was there as my moral support. My RE told me I need to focus on me and try to get better now. She said my period should start anytime between now to 6 weeks. She told us karyotype result came back and there was no chromosome abnormality. Given there was no chromsome abnormality, she said it was that damn polyp that made me miscarry. I have to wait for my next period to come and make an appointment to get SIS done to see if the polyp is still there. I was told that since D&C is a blind procedure, she might have not gotten the polyp out. She told us we could have sex, but not to try to conceive until we know that the polyp is out. Two months ago, I would have said screw her, we are trying, but this time, I'd better listen to her. I don't want to have to go through that ordeal again. I will wait.
Well, so this morning, I noticed my CM was really stretchy. Like a text book example of fertile EWCM. I haven't had these for ever since we started trying to conceive, so this was new. I used my opk and sure enough it was positive. Yaaaay, so that means my period will be here in a few weeks! I also did a pregnancy test and YES! BFN!!!! Ok, I never thought I would be happy to see a negative pregnancy test and I would be looking forward for AF to come. But I need these two things to happen for us to move on. It is like we are back to square one, but I know that baby came to let us know we could conceive. That baby came to tell me I need to take care of my body a bit more. Maybe I am getting the stretchy CM because I haven't been drinking alcohol as much as I used to and I have been eating a lot healthier.
So I went to buy a box of condoms... since we must prevent pregnancy. When I was at a store, I called Tim and told him that I didnt even know which one to buy. Last time I had to buy them was years and years ago. Lol.
On Friday, I had my post operation appointment. Tim came with me, but I guess he didn't really have to. Well, he was there as my moral support. My RE told me I need to focus on me and try to get better now. She said my period should start anytime between now to 6 weeks. She told us karyotype result came back and there was no chromosome abnormality. Given there was no chromsome abnormality, she said it was that damn polyp that made me miscarry. I have to wait for my next period to come and make an appointment to get SIS done to see if the polyp is still there. I was told that since D&C is a blind procedure, she might have not gotten the polyp out. She told us we could have sex, but not to try to conceive until we know that the polyp is out. Two months ago, I would have said screw her, we are trying, but this time, I'd better listen to her. I don't want to have to go through that ordeal again. I will wait.
Well, so this morning, I noticed my CM was really stretchy. Like a text book example of fertile EWCM. I haven't had these for ever since we started trying to conceive, so this was new. I used my opk and sure enough it was positive. Yaaaay, so that means my period will be here in a few weeks! I also did a pregnancy test and YES! BFN!!!! Ok, I never thought I would be happy to see a negative pregnancy test and I would be looking forward for AF to come. But I need these two things to happen for us to move on. It is like we are back to square one, but I know that baby came to let us know we could conceive. That baby came to tell me I need to take care of my body a bit more. Maybe I am getting the stretchy CM because I haven't been drinking alcohol as much as I used to and I have been eating a lot healthier.
So I went to buy a box of condoms... since we must prevent pregnancy. When I was at a store, I called Tim and told him that I didnt even know which one to buy. Last time I had to buy them was years and years ago. Lol.
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