UGHH!!!

So I called my RE's office on Tuesday to speak to a nurse.  I couldn't remember if I was supposed to wait for 4-6 weeks from the date of the D&C or the date of follow up appointment.
The nurse clarified it was 4-6 weeks from the date of the D&C.  Fine, that makes today that 6th weeks.  I can't believe it has been 6 weeks, but it has been.  I guess I would have been 13 weeks pregnant if things were fine.

Yesterday, again, I had this really really stretchy CM.  It surely makes me think I might be having Asherman's.  The last time I had my positive OPK was on 1/5, I think.  It's been about one cycle away from then.  Since I am definitely not pregnant, where the hell is my period then!!!!    I just know I won't get my period.  Not today, not tomorrow, not next week. I figured I would go ahead and call my RE's office for an appointment, but she won't be available until 2/10.   Are they fucking kidding me?  Why is it she seemed to magically have openings if I needed her for other things.  For example, if I get my period today, I'd be calling to schedule my SIS to look for that stupid polyp and she will take me because it has to be done during the certain days of your menstrual cycle.  If I said I have a positive pregnancy test, she would have me in her office this afternoon for a damn blood work.  I left a message for a nurse to get back with me.  Hopefully, she will try to work something out for me.  Why the hell do I have to wait another week just for my doctor to see me maybe for five minutes MAX.  It aggravates me. It's not some small fees she will be charging me either.  It's bad enough I had to have miscarriage and D&C, why am I still in limbo?  I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON!!!!!  I still need to have other procedures to correct my problems and I am sure that will take time for me to recover, too.  Let me get to that step!!!!  I don't have forever here.  

Happy Monday

I like Mondays.  I always have more energy on Mondays.  I think I am most motivated on Mondays, too.  It's a new week and you are given another chance to get things right.  
When I say this to people, they look at me funny and say "I guess that's a good way to look at it."

The thing is when I was working on my Masters in Accounting through accelerated program, we had to get through each class in 5 weeks.  We were doing one class at a time, but we were able to get through the whole program in a year while normal Masters in Accounting is two year program.  Our projects were always due on Sunday.  Working full time, I studied throughout the week, but I was glued to my desk on Saturdays and Sundays.  So, weekends weren't something fun.  Rather, Mondays were fun, because I could goof off a little.  This kind of stuck with me and that's why I like Mondays.     

Anyway, I kind of gave up about getting my AF.  I figured I'd give it another couple of weeks before I start to freak out and call my RE what the hell is going on.  I hope to God I don't have Asherman's Syndrome where scar tissue forms around my uterus resulting in adhesions that my whole uterine cavity is occluded.... From what I read, I have 30% possibility of getting this stuff with my missed miscarriage and D&C.  I have never won a lottery, I have never been lucky, but I feel like I will be the lucky one when it comes to bad stuff.  I mean look at me.  1 out 4 women have miscarriage and I was the lucky 25%.   

I listen to Pandora when I am at work on my headset.  Normally, it's just a background for me to tune out other people and I don't really pay attention to the lyrics or anything like that.  I also have heard this song many times before but I never really paid much attention or if I did, I thought she was singing about some guy.  But suddenly, it made me think she was probably singing about a baby.  The song is Celine Dion's New
Day Has Come. I was completely blindsided by what I think she was singing about.  This song reminded me how happy I was for the few weeks I was pregnant.  


  

 I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush now
I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me 
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love

Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls 
For a new sun
A new day has come
A new day has come

Where it was dark now there's is light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, i found my strength 
All in the eyes of a boy

Where are you AF?

Two days later from that suspicious pregnancy test.  I'd think I will get BFP if I really was pregnant, but meh.  Nothing.  It is just BFN yesterday and today.  I guess it was either terrible evaporation line or I had chemical pregnancy or maybe I had some left over hormone from my last pregnancy.

AGHH!!  Where is my period!  I've been all ready and walking around with pads in my purse and change of underwear at all time for the past week.  I've hated getting my period all these times, but now I really want it to come.

I guess she will visit when she is damn well ready.  Until then, I will be afraid when she will strike and have no clue of her where about.  Oh God, what if she comes in full force when I am at the gym.  I have been avoiding white pants just in case.

Tim is now telling me not to drink alcohol just in case. It is kind of unfair.  :(

I am also afraid what if my factory is out of business...  Oh please please, NOOO!  I need my AF back!!!

Am I seeing things?

I have no idea where I am at in my cycle now.  All I know is I had my procedure on 12/20/13 and I am waiting for my period to come back. I thought I ovulated on 1/5/14 or somewhere around there as I had some really stretchy CM, which was very very unusual for me for quite some time.  My opk had also turned positive, so I am quite sure I ovulated then. I also took a pregnanvy test around that time and saw it was negative. Now, where the hell is my period? Without it, we cannot move forward....

Anyway, I took another pregnancy test just for the hell of it now, and I think I see a very very faint line. Tim thinks I am seeing things, but I do see it .. 

I compared it with the one I saved with Tim's pee on it from a few months ago and all I see on it is a plain white with dark control line.  I guess I will wait a few days to see if it gets darker. If not, I will wait for a few more weeks and go see my doctor. I don't know what to make of it. I thought I would get my period by now. I had that heavy feeling about a week ago, so I have been carrying around pads ever since. What is going on with my body!!!! It is so frustrating.

2 weeks post D&C

It has been a little over 2 weeks from my D&C on 12/20.  Bleeding continued on and off until Yesterday.  On 12/30, as I was getting ready to go to work, I could feel a lot of blood was dripping down.  I felt a little uncomfortable, but I figured it wasn't that big of a deal since I had super long maxi pad on me.  I drove to work, but I continued to feel the blood dripping and a little cramping.  Fifteen minutes later, I arrived at my office and as soon as I sat my bag on my desk, I grabbed another maxi pad and headed to the bathroom to see what was going on.  After all, it was 10 days after the procedure and my bleeding so far was pretty minimal.  When I pulled down my pants, I gasped in horror.  Clumpy clots that looked like I spilled half a jar of grape jelly were on the maxi pad and also some of the same thing fell out between my legs onto the toilette and the floor.  I was like "is this my baby?  No no, this is not the baby, but what the hell is this?" I also had to clean the floor real quick before someone came in.  I was in tears.  I was scared first off, and I just wanted to know why I had to go through this.   It sounds gross, but I folded the pad lightly in half and put it in the trash basket, went back to my desk to grab my phone, came back to the bathroom, unfolded the pad, and took a picture of the pad.  I am not going to post it here...  It's probably way TMI.... When I called my doctor, she said that happen sometimes, and I had to wait it out.  It seems that was the final gunk in my uterus.   After that, the bleeding almost stopped.

On Friday, I had my post operation appointment.  Tim came with me, but I guess he didn't really have to.  Well, he was there as my moral support.  My RE told me I need to focus on me and try to get better now.  She said my period should start anytime between now to 6 weeks.  She told us karyotype result came back and there was no  chromosome abnormality.  Given there was no chromsome abnormality, she said it was that damn polyp that made me miscarry.  I have to wait for my next period to come and make an appointment to get SIS done to see if the polyp is still there.  I was told that since D&C is a blind procedure, she might have not gotten the polyp out.  She told us we could have sex, but not to try to conceive until we know that the polyp is out.  Two months ago, I would have said screw her, we are trying,  but this time, I'd better listen to her.  I don't want to have to go through that ordeal again. I will wait.

Well, so this morning, I noticed my CM was really stretchy.  Like a text book example of fertile EWCM.  I haven't had these for ever since we started trying to conceive, so this was new.  I used my opk and sure enough it was positive.  Yaaaay, so that means my period will be here in a few weeks!  I also did a pregnancy test and YES! BFN!!!! Ok, I never thought I would be happy to see a negative pregnancy test and I would be looking forward for AF to come.  But I need these two things to happen for us to move on.  It is like we are back to square one, but I know that baby came to let us know we could conceive.  That baby came to tell me I need to take care of my body a bit more.  Maybe I am getting the stretchy CM because I haven't been drinking alcohol as much as I used to and I have been eating a lot healthier.

So I went to buy a box of condoms... since we must prevent pregnancy.  When I was at a store, I called Tim and told him that I didnt even know which one to buy.  Last time I had to buy them was years and years ago.  Lol.