Happy Halloween!!

Trick or Treat" time!!  Our street is really dark and not many people participate in candy giving.  Still, we get some cute customers so we got ready with Sour patch kids and Skittles.  Whatever leftover, I will eat.

I saw this disturbing post on FB.  A friend of my friend said "We don't buy candies.  We take our kids for trick or treat and when we come back, we pick out whatever we don't want and give these out to the stragglers."  Really???  Is she serious.  What a cheapo.   I guess in this world, there are people who just take.  I shouldn't judge, but hell yes I did.  I've never met her since she is just a friend of my friend on the FB, and it probably makes sense since she is out trick or treating with her kids and no one will be home to hand out candies, but I probably wouldn't want to be friend with someone who openly says stuff like that. 

A little boy gave me a hug when I gave him candies.  Boy was he cute.  I asked for a permission from his mom and took his picture.   

So, my RE's office called me this morning.  I already know I am a wreck down there with clogged up tube and a polyp(s).  So what now.  What else is wrong with me...  Now I am in need of taking irons supplement. I don't really like to eat red meat that often.  I just don't like how heavy I feel after.  I guess I will be eating steak more often and I will be cooking liver and onion on weekly basis.  But that explains why I am always tired.  During my TWW, I always think "Oh boy, I am so tired.  Maybe I am pregnant..."  That feeling was due to my low iron level.  OK...  Well, it looks like this cycle is going to be a wash.  RE won't discuss our game plan until Tim's semen analysis is done once again and I will get my period in a few weeks.  Tim has to drop off his boys at RE's office in the morning.  He REFUSES to do it at their office.  He'd rather drive to the lab with the cup in between his legs while the clock is ticking.  When he had to do it last time, he got lost on his way and there was a line at the lab.  Still, he'd rather light some candles and make love to a cup at home.  We have a sausage dog at home who always gives us his judging eyes when we have sex.  I am sure Tim will get the disapproving stares from him tomorrow.   

   

Polyp or Polyps

SIS procedure was not bad at all.  Even if it was bad, I had no choice but to go back work.  I have too much stuff to do today.  My doctor was on vacation, so the other doctor had to perform the procedure.  So far, I have met three out of four doctors at this place.  I guess they all seem to be nice and I like them.

My guard was definitely up.  When the nurse told me "it's gonna be OK.  This one will not hurt."  I was like "Ha! That's what I was told last time, and it was a lie."  She reassured me it was going to be fine.  Apparently, I didn't believe her, because when the doctor came and tried to put the speculum, I was so tense, I was pushing the speculum out.  He was trying to make some small talk, but I really could not relax.
When he inserted the catheter and took the speculum out, I was finally able to relax.  Then he told me that he saw a polyp in my uterus.  WHAT????   He said my doctor would talk to me what to do about it. Well, I guess if he was telling me so nonchalantly, it must not be that big deal.  It looks like we have to finish all of the tests before we can have a sit down and discuss our options with the doctor.  Tim and I were planning on trying really hard this week and postpone his sperm sample drop off day until next week, but now screw that plan.   Forget this month, it ain't happening.  We must lose a battle to win the war. We should abstain for a few days so he can bring them his guys in a few days.  I want to know the diagnosis ASAP.

According to my research, polyps could act like a natural IUD and prevent sperm/egg to pass through the Fallopian tubes or prevent fertilized egg from implanting.  Maybe this could be my answer.  It could be just the beginning, but as of right now, I want to be optimistic.

SIS tomorrow

My first SIS is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.  Again, the brochure says "might experience some discomfort and mild cramping."  Really....  certainly "mild" is understatement, I am pretty sure of it.

It was a nice FL fall day.  Perfect weather.  I opened all of my windows.  I can smell the air.  It's so nice and I love FL this time of the year.

I told my boss what I was going through on last Friday.  I didn't want her to wonder what was going on since I have been taking off way too many sick time these days.  I have plenty of accrued sick time, but being year end audit prep going on, I felt bad for taking off.  When I told her "we are trying to have babies and we haven't been able to... and I just found out one of my tubes are blocked..."  She said "Oh my God, Oh my God, that's what happened to me.  The same exact thing..."   Then she told me her story.  She said her and her husband went through the same thing almost 30 years ago.  She told me that back then, that was it and they were told that they would never be able to have a baby.  Then a few months later, she was pregnant.  Her doctor said that the only explanation was maybe HSG cleared up what was clogged.   Their son just got married about a year ago.  She gave me a hug and told me not to give up.

Maybe the same thing will happen to me.

First HSG and my past

  10/24 was my first HSG.  I didn't even ask Tim to come with me, because it sounded like a no big deal routine procedure.  Besides, I took out my frustration on him the night before.

According to the brochure for HSG procedure, "there could be mild cramping."  Mild cramping my ass... Yeah right.  Little did I know, "mild discomfort" was for normal people. You don't get "mild cramping" when your tube is clogged up.

Room was too cold and that made me uncomfortable.  When the doctor injected the dye, it was not so bad.  Then she  asked me, "Have you been pregnant before?"  as she was looking at the screen.  I said "yes, over 10 years ago... I had an abortion."  She told me one side of the tube was not clear.  Then it became really painful.  I tried to suck it up, but tears just kept on coming.  A part of it was the physical pain from the procedure, but the other part was from the guilt.  It's a karma.  I made a choice almost 15 years ago. I was young and I did what I thought was right at that time.  Now that choice I made could be the reason why I haven't been able to become pregnant.  The pain kept on coming.  " I am sorry, Sweetie, I don't want to hurt you, but I really want to make sure... "  I thought about when I had the abortion.  The pain I was having was so similar.

I drove home crying and screaming.  I texted Tim and told him what I found out.  I am being punished for what I did.