10/24 was my first HSG. I didn't even ask Tim to come with me, because it sounded like a no big deal routine procedure. Besides, I took out my frustration on him the night before.
According to the brochure for HSG procedure, "there could be mild cramping." Mild cramping my ass... Yeah right. Little did I know, "mild discomfort" was for normal people. You don't get "mild cramping" when your tube is clogged up.
Room was too cold and that made me uncomfortable. When the doctor injected the dye, it was not so bad. Then she asked me, "Have you been pregnant before?" as she was looking at the screen. I said "yes, over 10 years ago... I had an abortion." She told me one side of the tube was not clear. Then it became really painful. I tried to suck it up, but tears just kept on coming. A part of it was the physical pain from the procedure, but the other part was from the guilt. It's a karma. I made a choice almost 15 years ago. I was young and I did what I thought was right at that time. Now that choice I made could be the reason why I haven't been able to become pregnant. The pain kept on coming. " I am sorry, Sweetie, I don't want to hurt you, but I really want to make sure... " I thought about when I had the abortion. The pain I was having was so similar.
I drove home crying and screaming. I texted Tim and told him what I found out. I am being punished for what I did.
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