Next Step

The lady called me back just now!!!

So I will be doing blood work for progestrone once a week for next three weeks.  He wants to see when I ovulate.  She said I could pick a day I like and that will be the day I will have my blood drawn so I picked Mondays.  She will be calling me back every Wednesday to tell me the result.

She also booked me another appointment for 3/28/14 with Dr. P so he can go over things with me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find out any more about my condition or if we should be ttc, but at least I know what I will be doing the next few weeks.

I was afraid I will go completely insane if I didn't hear from her before the end of today so I am pretty relieved.  The most frustrating thing about going through infertility is all these waiting.  We wanted everything yesterday.  I still must say we have come a long way since last year around this time.  I was completely oblivious about all these things that are wrong with me then.

I will try to take this waiting time to be healthier.  

Waiting Game

Ughh.  It's been three days and I still haven't heard back from the clinic.  I couldn't wait so I emailed  receptionist lady and she responded she is waiting to hear from him, too.

I guess he is busy, but this waiting thing is killing me.  What am I doing next????

Unicornuate Uterus

Today was the day for my hysteroscopy.  The doctor who performed the procedure was not my new doctor, but he was a nice one, too.  I also have to say I am so happy that I switched my RE practice entirely.  People at USF are so nice.  Nurse, receptionist, doctors, everyone.  I waited no time before I was taken to the room.  The nurse told me to pee so she could make sure I wasn't pregnant.  She took my blood pressure and it was really high, very abnormal for me.  She thought it was probably because I was nervous.

Dr. I came in and he asked me if I understood why we had to do this procedure.  He told me to tell him in my words, tell him my understanding so he knew I understood why.

Dr. I and nurse made sure I was able to see the screen as he performed the procedure.  He put the numbing agent around my cervix, but when the camera was inserted, I just gasped, because it was pretty painful.  He said he saw a significant scar tissue and camera won't go in.  He pulled it out then put more numbing agent.  He broke the scar tissue then he put the camera in.  I didn't even want to look at the screen.  It was kind of gross and it was also painful.  Not like crazy pain now I am done, but it was very uncomfortable.  I could feel the camera squiggling around inside of me.  He took pictures of my uterus and in about 10-15 minutes, we were done.  He was talking to me and was telling me I was doing very well. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him "Bad, but You are kinda up there and I will just suck it up.  No turning back now."  He laughed and said "We will stop if you are really feeling bad."  I told him "Just finish please, I need to see the end of this.  I am okay."

He showed me the pictures and explained to me each picture.  First, I had a scar tissue which he was able to take out.  Second, he was able to see my right side of uterus and right fallopian tube hole, but not the other side.  From what he saw today he said, it looked like I have "Unicornuate Uterus."  Basically, this is a birth defect and I have two ovaries, but I only have half the uterus and one side of tube.  He said my doctor will take a look at these pictures probably want to schedule HSG to confirm my condition.

When I asked him if I still had a polyp, he said it was gone and the uterus I had, even though it was half, looked fine.  I asked him if we should even try to get pregnant.  He said he wouldn't see why not, but told me it was probably just better to wait what Dr. P could do for me before we try again.

I asked him about my AFC from the other day.  He said it was 22 and anything more than 10 is great.  When I told him my old doctor counted only 5 and I asked her to recount, he said "she didn't recount for you, that's fine."  He said "It doesn't matter, we counted 22 and you are good in my book."

The nurse took me to the receptionist area to schedule, but when I got dressed, I was still crying.  Pain had been gone already, but I just felt bad for me.  How can I have half the uterus...  I feel bad to tell my mother.  I am afraid she will feel responsible and will be hurt.  I don't think it was my parents' fault or anything like that.  This is the card that I was dealt with.  It is what it is.  The nurse asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to have a glass of water before we walked to the scheduling lady.  I told her I was okay.

After she dropped me off at the scheduling lady, the scheduling lady asked me if I was okay.  She then told me to come in so I wasn't hanging around in the waiting room like that.  I started crying again because they were just so nice.  She asked me if I was crying because of the pain and if I was okay to drive home.  She said I could sit with them until I felt better and she gave me a glass of water and tissue.  She said Dr. Plosker will look at the pictures and let her know the next step and them she will call me.  She gave me another ibuprofen just in case.  I took it and finished my water and told her I was okay and thanked her.

I still feel pretty bad about my situation, but I feel very fortunate that I was able to switch my doctor.  Look at these people.  What a difference.  They are just 1000 times nicer than the old one.

Once I calm down, it will be time for me to ask Dr. Google about the situation.

Ultra Sound appointment

I had my ultra sound appointment today for AFC.  I didn't schedule SIS because I didn't get a full flow of period.  The appointment went so quickly.  Driving and parking at the hospital was more work.

Transvaginal wand was kind of uncomfortable.  There was a screen on the wall so I could see what the technician was doing on the monitor.  She was clicking away really fast, but I noticed she clicked "fibroids" and "endmetriosis."  She then clicked away "folicle"  After she was done, she printed out the report to take to the front desk.  I glanced at the report and it said 13 folicles for one side of the ovary and 9 for the other.  That is 22!  I wonder if doing a regular ultra sound makes a difference, but seriously?  The old doctor's office counted 5 and told me I didn't have much time left.  When Tim told her to recount AFC since all the other numbers looked right and that AFC made no sense, the old doctor looked offended and said her technician with over 20 years experience wouldn't miscount.

Anyway, I feel relieved.  I was so worried that they won't see anything and I thought I will be told I was going through an early menopause!!!

I have a hysteroscopy scheduled for next Monday so my new doctor can take a look at what is going on in my baby room.  I was told to take 800mg Ibuprofen but I want something to knock me out.   I don't trust "you will have a discomfort."

Full flow

I called my new RE this morning to let them know I got my period.  I left the message as instructed.  Someone from the office called me back to cancel my ultra sound with AFC to schedule SIS with AFC.  When she asked to confirm my CD 1 was Saturday, I said "well, about that, I don't know if I should call this a period.  It seems to be too light to be my normal period.... "  She asked me "Do you want to wait until tomorrow to see if it turns into a full period?  Do you normally have period like you are having now? "  I told her I really didn't know what to make of it.  I said to her that the way I was cramping on Saturday, it felt like I should have more of a full blown gushing out kind of bleeding, but instead it was more like spotting.  It was more than spotting, but only when I wipe.  I said I was sorry, but I couldn't decide whether it is period or not and I just didn't think it was a "full flow."  She was nice and told me I could call her back tomorrow and we can decide then.

I still can't shake my suspicion of having Asherman's syndrome.  I got my period as I am having withdraw symptom from stop taking Provera.  But it feels as if my body is squeezing out blood a little by little. There's only a spec of blood on my pad.  I am not using tampons and this feels too little blood to be called a period.
I think I will tell the lady I'd rather pretend this wasn't my period and have a regular ultra sound along with hysteroscopy to check for scarring.

I am so glad I switched my doctor.  Even the scheduling lady is more patient.  She didn't try to cut me off and listened.  I can feel I am less stressed out knowing they call me when they tell me they will.

Welcome back AF!!

Welcome back AF.  Oh how I missed you.  I never thought that the day will come to say this, but I truly missed having my period.
It started yesterday morning where I felt really bad cramping.  When I went to the bathroom, there she was!
Although I expected it to be gushing heavy flow judging from the pain I was in, but it's been really light.  This worries me a little.  Oh well, when I go for SIS, I will tell my RE about my concern.  I need him to rule out the possible Asherman's syndrome.

There will be a baby shower coming up for a pregnant girl at work.  Strangely, I am not so dreaded about going to the baby shower.  I am actually excited.  Sadly, I still get coupons from stores, thanks to me signing up for all sorts of coupons when I was pregnant.  They keep on coming...  and I don't know how to stop them.  This girl is super sweet and I am very happy that she is pregnant.  It used to bother me to see her growing belly, but lately, it doesn't hurt me so much any more.  Of course I am envious, but I don't know, I am just happy for her and I know my turn will come soon.

What a difference

What a difference.  I am simply amazed how different my experience was with my new doctor.  I thought about switching doctors within the same practice, but I decided I would just go to a completely different practice instead.  University of South Florida offers infertility treatment and I read bunch of good reviews.  Many of them are like me, they used to go to the one I was going then switched to USF.

I got lucky and was able to make an appointment for yesterday.  If the cancellation didn't open up, I had to wait until the end of March.

My appointment was at 10 am, but I was in a waiting room for about 30 minutes before the nurse came to take my vitals.  I was sent back out to the waiting room to wait almost another half an hour before the doctor called my name.  When I was in the waiting room, I was talking to one of the patients and she said we have to get used to with the wait, because when someone gets period or ovulate or pregnant or whatever happens, the doctor needs to squeeze them in.  That's not something we can plan ahead.  That's so true.

First difference.  The actual doctor came to the waiting room to get me.  That would have never happened at the old practice.  The nurse used to take me to the room and left me waiting in a room until my doctor decided to come in.

He looked over the medical records that were sent from the old practice and took his time and explained to me in details and possible causes of my blocked Fallopian tube.

He then explained what was going on in my uterus.  Then about the polyp.  He told me my AFC being lower than normal for my age is certainly a concern, but there's nothing we can do about it and lower AFC doesn't mean my egg qualities are bad.  Besides, all my other hormone level looked good, so he'd recount the AFC again just to make sure.

Now about my period situation.  At first, he said it might take a while for my body to heal.  I told him what has been going on and how I ovulated twice since my D&C and felt like I skipped my period in between. I told him I was on Provera which I just finished taking my last dose.   He listened to me very attentively and he typed everything I said in his laptop.  He also asked me questions to clarify he understood what I was trying to tell him.

He told me that basically, I was starting from the scratch and we are going to address my issues one by one. The first thing is to figure out what is going on in my uterus.  He said my period should start within a week since I was on medication.  If not, he would see if I am pregnant one last time which is less likely.  If not pregnant, then he would suspect Asherman's syndrome and he would do a diagnostic hysteroscopy  in the office to see what kind of adhesion had formed.

He scheduled me to come in next week either way.  He said having period will change the method, but either way, ultra sound will be performed to recount my AFC.

The whole time, he was positive.  I guess since he is a doctor with the University and teaches, he was very through with his explanation.  He mentioned NOTHING about how I was doomed.  He didn't even mention IVF.

He walked me to the receptionist and told her his plan with me and what she had to schedule for me.   Again, this never happened at the old practice.  The doctor would have been long gone and I was left with a nurse who handed me a brochure for the procedure.  Of course, I didn't know any better then.  Now I know.

I walked out of the hospital so happy about switching my RE.

This really solidifies my belief.  Female doctors SUCKS when it comes to RE, OB/GYN.

More reasons to run from my RE

Third day of Provera.  I can't believe I have to take this for four more days and hope this will bring out my period.

I felt so exhausted yesterday and I slept all day and all night.  I think it is from taking this medicine.  I also had a series of crazy dreams that kept on waking me and Tim up throughout the night.  Tim was pissed that I was screaming and grabbing him in the middle of the night.  I can't be held responsible for what I do when I am sleeping....

 I really don't think this pill will bring on the period.  If anything, I feel like it will mess things up.  Since I felt that I ovulated on or around 1/31/14, if nothing else,  I will be due having my period this coming Friday anyway.

I did a lot of thinking and researching this weekend about our RE.  Many reviewers complained the same things.  They seem too busy to care.  Their primary goal seem to be making money, they don't seem to have your best interest, etc.

Truly, do I have to wait for my period to have SIS done to see if my polyp is still there?  Or is she just trying to make easy bucks?  After all, that procedure takes less than 5 minutes but is over $1200 procedure based on reading the explanation of benefits.  Why couldn't my nurse ask the doctor a simple question until Wednesday when she physically walks in to the office that nurse works at?  She works at different location, I know that, but I called and spoke to a nurse on Friday.  Was my doctor on a fucking vacation outside of the cell phone range?  Is she too good to read emails in this day and age?

Didn't she seem to be so quick to jump on recommending us to do IVF?  After HSG. why didn't she explain to me what type of blockage it was?  Why didn't she give me a choice of taking a pill to induce miscarriage? When I spoke to the nurse, I told her I was sure I ovulated twice.  I told her I felt I ovulated and had a positive OPK at the beginning of January, then two weeks later, I felt like I was getting my period, but it was just a feeling.  I told her two weeks after that, I had another positive OPK.  Now, did the nurse tell my doctor all these details or did these details get lost by the time the message got to my doctor. Maybe the nurse told her all these details and she still didn't give a crap about what I was saying.  I will never know since it seems to be impossible to speak to my fucking doctor unless I make an appointment at over $300, only to receive a 5 minutes of her uncaring, can't wait to leave attitude appointment session.

Oh and I almost forgot. No I didn't forget, I just don't want to think about "what if" scenario, so I pretend that I forgot.  SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO PERFORM U/S ONE LAST TIME BEFORE SHE DID D&C.  SHE NEVER DID!!!!!!!!!  If she did, neither Tim or I were made aware that she did anything.  She was supposed to do U/S after that to make sure all of the contents were out.  Did she?  I don't think she did that either.  If she did, then why the hell do I need to still do SIS to see if the polyp is still there???  Tim said he didn't want to bring it up, because he was afraid doing so would have upset me more, but he said to me yesterday, right there, he was done with them.  

I tried to make excuses for my doctor, but I don't think I can any more.  It is a pain in a butt to start again with new doctor, but I guess that is what I need to do.  The thing is if she took her time to explain the reasons why she can and cannot do certain things at certain time, then, maybe it would have made me feel better.

Provera

I took my first one of seven doses of Prevera today.  Supposedly, these pills will induce my period.  We'll see.  If I had Asherman's syndrome, then it won't matter.  

On Thursday morning, I went for a blood pregnancy test.  Unfortunately, it was not nurse Heather who drew my blood.  I knew with my insurance, they have to send my blood work out to a lab and wait for the result until the following day. I thought "OK. Friday afternoon then."  Well, Friday afternoon came and almost went.  At 4:30 pm, I couldn't wait any more, so I called the office.  When I told the receptionist that I was there on Thursday for a blood pregnancy test, she gave the phone to the nurse from the day before.  She said "Your test result was negative."  She then sounded like she was ending the conversation, so I had to say "Excuse me.  Yes, I already knew the result would be negative, but I thought after you guys confirm the negative result, you were going to prescribe Provera to induce my period."  She responded very enthusiastically "Oh yeah, sure.  Do you want us to call your prescription in?"  I wanted to scream at her and say "WTF is the matter with you?  Of course I need you to call in the damn thing.  You know damn well I can't just walk in to a pharmacy and buy them over the counter!"  She just confirm my pharmacy location and hang up.  No instruction for the pills, nothing whatsoever.  

I immediately texted Tim to let him know what a fucking moron that nurse was.  I already knew I was not pregnant.  I was only trying to go through the motion to please these people since my doctor didn't seem to take me seriously when I told them I felt like I ovulated but my period did not come.  

If pills work, then I can go in for SIS.  If not, I have more reasons to go there and insist them to check more things out.

Tim agreed that our RE is not mean, but she just does not appear to be so interested in what we are trying to do, which is to have a baby.  I don't know any more.  There are three other doctors in the same group and I think I'd like to switch to one of them.  It's not like I am going to go to a complete different practice, so I'd think it can't be difficult.  I sort of feel guilty, and I know I don't need to feel that way.  

Being my own advocate

Being my own advocate is something I am having to learn after being in the US.  I moved here from Japan when I was 19 and have lived here almost half of my life and I still have a hard time doing this.  Slowly but surely, I know I have learned how.  When I go back to Japan, people tell me I am too abrasive.  I'd like to say that I had to be this way to survive in this country. But let me say that this abrasive person in Japan is still considered to be a very meek mannered Asian in this country. The art of dancing around,  reading each other's mind, that kind of things don't exist here.  You'd better speak up or you won't get anything.

When I speak to my mother or my friends in Japan, it reminds me how I used to believe what doctor said was sort of absolute.  They are the ones who know the best.  Their best interest is your well beings. That's how it is in Japan.  Hahaha!! Not here.  I wish I could be that naive again.  They might know better, but they might not.  They might very well have their own agenda.  They can care less about me when they have to worry about their malpractice insurance and all the other stuff.

I wish I was pushing to get tested when my OB/GYN told me I should wait for at least 6 months to see if I could get pregnant naturally.  I knew then something wasn't right already.  I just knew after a few months of trying.  After Tim's sperm analysis came back fine, I was even more sure that something was wrong with me.  Why did I wait again to see if I would get pregnant in 4-5 months after that before I went to see my RE for a full blown exam?  I knew there was something, but yet, I listened to my doctor.  Actually, she didn't even refer me to the RE until I mentioned to her "hey, I waited, now what?"  As a matter of fact, she asked me if I had the same sex partner when I went in for my annual pap smear.  She then looked at my chart and was like "Sorry, I see you are trying to conceive here.." Is she fucking kidding me???

In my earlier post, I was wondering if I should cancel my next Monday appointment.  I don't think I should.  I think I should see her and ask her to find our for sure there's no adhesion.  She may not want to believe Asherman's Syndrome is to be so common.  She may not want to feel like she is responsible if that happened after she performed D&C on me.  But I know I ovulated.  and I know I ovulated, but yet I had no period.  I am going to insist her to investigate further.  If she turned out she was right and it was just my body not being ready, big deal.  I'd rather her be right. BUT I DO NOT want to waste any more time!!!  Why wait three or more months, trying this and that when it can be so simple as her to perform hysteroscopy in the first place.

Why should I worry if I am asking too many questions.  She is getting paid well enough.    

Nice nurse Heather

I like Heather the nurse at my RE's office.  She was the one who spoke to me and took my blood when I first found out I was pregnant.  I remember her calling to tell me my number was excellent.  I remember her telling me not to worry because she will cancel my surgery.  I think there are several other nurses there, but she is the nicest.  I just ask to speak to her when I call these days.  If I simply ask for nurse, there's no telling who I will get.  I also think this not so friendly receptionist is on vacation or something, because the last few times I called, I have been getting a nice one.  For example, last week, when I first decided to call my RE's office, this not so friendly one answered and when I told her I needed to make an appointment with my doctor, she just said "for what do you need to see her?"  I said, "well, I had my D&C in December and I haven't had my period."  She just said "Oh you need to do a follow up then."  I was thinking "Not exactly, because I did have my follow up..."  After she went ahead and booked my appointment, I told her I'd like to ask a nurse's opinion, because she might have something else to say before I go through with the appointment I just made.  She told me to hold on and put me straight to the voice mail.  Now with the nicer receptionist, it went a little differently.  You see, when I made my appointment with the mean one, I was flustered and didn't write down the exact time.  So I called back and the nice one answered.  After she told me my appointment time and told her I wanted to speak to Heather the nurse, she put me on hold and went to look for her.  Anyway, she found out Heather didn't have a chance to speak to the doctor yet, but she told me she would have her call me as soon as she knows what is up.

So this afternoon, Heather called me and said she spoke to my doctor.  My doctor wants me to come in for blood pregnancy test.  Bwahahaha!!!   What pregnancy test?  I know I am not pregnant and that's why I am having a hard time!  She said once she confirms it is negative, then she will prescribe me provera to start my period.  She will be able to do my blood test tomorrow so I will be there first thing in the morning.  It will be messed up if that blood test shows up I am pregnant.  I know I am not.  I asked her if I should just cancel my appointment with my doctor on Monday but she said it was up to me.  A part of me feels like there's no point in going to see my doctor at this point.  It is the new year so I know with my high deductible health insurance, my visit will not be cheap.  Another part of me thinks so what I get pills to induce my period.  If thickening of my uterine lining and occlusion is the issue, it won't matter what she gives me, nothing will shed, meaning I won't get period.  Even if I did get my period, what if it doesn't come again next month, doesn't just mean I just bought some time and not really figuring out the root cause of my issue?

I hope when I go to get my blood test, Heather will be there.  I really don't like other nurses.  They are not mean, but they are not extra nice.  I think I am already in emotionally fragile status when I go there, feeling very insecure, I need to be treated with extra care.  If I had a choice, I don't even want to be there in the first place.  I'd rather be getting pregnant in no time and go to a regular OB/GYN like normal people.  I'd rather be ignorant and optimistic like normal people.  I prefer not having to go see a RE who will always prepare you for the worst case scenario.  Well, that ship has sailed a long long time ago for me.  I will never be able to be optimistic even if I get pregnant again.  I will always feel like it will be yanked away without any notice.