20 days since my period. I knew this month was going to be a wash. Yes, one of my tubes was not clear, and there was a polyp. That probably explained why we haven't been successful so until my RE goes over all of our test results and talks to us about our new game plan, I was not going to worry about it. She would probably suggest me removing the polyp. That should be scheduled sometimes during my next cycle. Yes, so don't worry about it and forget about this TTC bullshit and relax for a change. Study for CPA exam, work out like crazy, have some wine. Just RELAX, and have sex just to enjoy, not as a chore. Ahahahahahhahaha!!!! Who was I kidding? Once you go TTC, you don't come back!!! I've been thinking like "maybe I am pregnant this month because I wasn't expecting," or "maybe that HSG actually cleared up my tube and that might have done the trick." "What if my RE said she would schedule to have polyp remove and I was pregnant.Would that hurt the baby? "
The pregnant girl at work is looking more and more pregnant by day. Yesterday, we had our boss's surprise lunch party, and the pregnant girl was saying she could feel her baby kicking. Everyone else was chiming in to talk about their pregnancy stories. Wonderful, I had nothing to offer to the story. Guess what. She is fat. She shouldn't be showing that much when she is not due until March. Wow, I will not be fat like her, or all of these mothers at this table. I work out and am in great shape. I will be working out, I will not let nausea stop me from going to the gym. Wait until I am pregnant and have a baby, I will not be struggling to lose baby weight like all these people at this table are struggling. I will not have big saggy belly and saggy ass and blame it on my pregnancy. I will be one of these people you just wonder how I just had a baby. Watch me. I smiled and listened and told above things to make myself feel better, but it didn't really help at all. Instead, it disgusted me that I was capable of thinking these mean things in my head. The truth is I'd rather be fat and uncomfortable and puking my guts out if that means I am pregnant.
My boobs are getting sore and Tim is getting on my nerves. Oh yes, the signs of PMS. Get ready. Sorry, Tim.... I will be taking my frustrations out on you. :( It's funny how every PMS symptoms are interpreted as possible early pregnancy signs when you are TTC.....
I'm sorry - that must have been so hard to listen to your pregnant co-worker and everybody share stories. I've been there and it's rough. It takes courage for us to sit there, bear it and grin.
ReplyDeleteI remember after my HSG I had hoped I would get pregnant too b/c they say it clears up your tubes but never happened for me. I hope it will happen for you. You deserve it. I hate how RE's don't seem to get the urgency of TTC; especially, when they're in this field. They're so calm and collected; sometimes it's annoying and it always makes me forget the questions I was going to ask.
Hang in there, I'll hope your period will stay away for you.
Thanks. I promised myself that when I get pregnant, I will just be ever so quiet and will not be talking about how I feel. I will never complain about it. If somebody asked, I'd tell that person why I keep my mouth shut.
ReplyDeleteI know how you forget the questions at RE's office. Well, at least my RE seems to be patient, but my OB/GYN doctor, ughh. She seems to be in such a hurry, if I even pause between my sentences, she is out of there. That reminds me that my OB doctor asked if I still had the same sex partner. I just had to roll my eyes and look at her like "Are you F&*ing kidding?" She then caught herself and said "Oh sorry, right right, you have been trying to become pregnant." WTF. In the same breath, this woman said how it was nice seeing me again. Sure, I am just a number to her.
Me too, I'm not going to complain b/c I will feel truly blessed after trying for so long. I also know, gifts, life, miracles, etc. can all be taken away too quickly if taken for granted so I am going to be humbled and keep to myself.
DeleteI think I almost feel intimidated to ask my RE questions - he's won a lot of awards in this field and is well accomplished. I feel like it would be insulting so I always lose my guts to ask him the questions, like why he thinks IUI didn't work, etc. I know my husband has male infertility but IUI is supposed to help that. I had a breakdown the other night and cried my eyes out about IVF. I am scared about the debt it's going to put us in. I'm really scared about it. I'm just trying to focus on finishing this cycle and hoping if not pregnant, that the third injectables cycle works. We've talked about maybe doing a fourth injectables too b/c I'm so scared of the IVF debt and what if it doesn't work.
I am so sorry you had to cry. :( I understand, it is ridiculous to having to think about going in a huge debt for something that may or may not work. A friend of mine was thinking about going back to Japan for a little while for IVF. It is still expensive there, but nothing like how it is here. I really hope you don't have to do it. It's only a few more days. Don't lose your hope!
DeleteThank you hun. I'm so scared of not being pregnant this cycle :(
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