It has been one week since my D&C, and I am still bleeding. It's not a big deal. I was told to expect period like bleeding for a week or two. Somehow looking at the blood lets me know the whole ordeal is over and brings back some normality. After all, getting period is something I am familiar with. Speaking of, I think I am going to stop using tampons from now on. Well, right now, nothing is allowed in my vagina so I have been using pads, but I got curious and I did a little research. Apparently, tampons are not really made of just cotton unless you buy 100% cotton organic tampons. They are made of all sorts of chemicals, but manufactures of tampons are not required to list the ingredients. Also, vagina is an "absorbing organ." That means my body absorbs whatever chemicals they put in these tampons just like my body absorbs pesticides on the produce or artificial hormones on the meat I eat. If I am worried about pesticides on my produce, I probably should worry about what chemicals are in tampons as well. What if these chemicals have affected my ability to conceive and carry out a healthy pregnancy? I think I will be using diva cup or moon cup from now on.
Through this miscarriage, something changed forever. I don't think getting a positive pregnancy test result will be enough to make me happy any more. That is just the beginning.... It seems like I can never be sure. So many things happen to people at 2nd, 3rd trimester. I mean the internet is flooded with these tragic stories. Of course I wasn't aware that miscarriages and still births are so common until now. I thought miscarriage happens to someone, but I sure the hell didn't think it would happen to me. I was just optimistic. Of course I wasn't drinking alcohols or going sky diving, but I wasn't overly sensitive about what I could and could not do. I was running a little bit even though my doctor and friends advised me against it. I still had a cup of coffee and had my soft cheese and medium rare steak. After all, my mother and aunts all went through healthy pregnancies, and they had coffee, even occasional sushi and we all turned out fine was what I thought. But now, I don't think I can ever be so optimistic any more.
Now, I am pretty sure my miscarriage was not because of something I did or didn't do. God only knows when and if I will become pregnant again. Regardless of when it happens, I need to be able to trust my body will do the job of nourishing and maintaining the proper environment for my baby to develop.
Yes, I was leading a pretty healthy life compared to the most other regular average American people, but it doesn't mean I had no room for improvement. I stopped drinking coffee. I had a headache for a day or two, but I am fine now. I am thinking about going to see an acupuncturist who specializes in infertility. I believe it will help me relax and work on creating a body so our baby will come back to me.
You are so strong and handling your loss very admirably. You are a role model for others going through the same. I have read and heard that women who have suffered a miscarriage in their history, tend not to be as excited or positive when they receive a second BFP because they know from history that a BFP does not gurantee healthy pregnancy. You end up being very cautious going forward, not allowing yourself to feel the excitement in those first couple of months. I'll be praying that God heals your body and know, you will have another pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if I am a role model, but thank you. There is nothing positive about miscarriage, but I know there is something I can learn from this experience. I can't be sad every day. I want my baby to come back to us soon and I think I need to be a strong person before that happens.
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