We cancelled our Costa Rica trip, but since we were off, we decided to drive to Key West. We stopped off at Everglades to see wild gators, then we spent our first night in Key Largo. On Tuesday afternoon, we took a snorkeling tour and headed to Key West. The hotel was right in front of the beach and beautiful. We had excellent food and enjoyed sun. We also got a couple's massage. Everything was wonderful.
Today was our second ultra sound. Last Wednesday, we saw our little tiny baby who looked like a dot. We were to see some heart beat today. We thought nothing of it. We even talked about how today was going to be the pre op. day if it wasn't for me getting pregnant. Ultra sound tech put the probe in my vagina as my RE doctor walked in. She made a comment about Tim's Ohio State hat and told him she was also from Ohio. After they made a few small talk, she told us that what she was expecting to see was heart beat around 100 to 120 bmp at this point. She said my baby's heart rate was only in 60s. She said she was concerned and she wanted me to schedule another ultra sound in a week to see if it picks up its pace. I asked her "ok. What if it wasn't any better next week?" She said "I hate to say it, but if it wasn't better, it will be more like that you end up miscarry." She said there was nothing she could tell me other than to wait and see. She also said there was nothing I could do differently to change anything.
I googled like crazy, but it was very difficult to find anything positive. I was talking about how I have no morning sickness or any pregnancy like symptoms and I thought I was fortunate. Maybe it was that I wasn't feeling it, because I won't be pregnant for much long.
I am sad and I know I shouldn't talk as if it is over, but I don't want to get attached to this baby any more than I already have. I don't know if I should be talking to the baby to fight and tough it up. I am pissed off. I was told not to work out so now I am getting a little fat. I had to cancel Costa Rica trip. If I had to schedule the surgery at this point, it will be next year and I will have to work toward my high deductible all over again. Sure, I will gladly sacrifice all these things for a healthy pregnancy,but not for a half ass failed pregnancy. God, are you fucking kidding me? Please please let it be that our little bean is just taking his time to grow and his heart is just brand new and it will pick up next week.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. You talk to that baby and you tell him to keep fighting because you have waited so long for him. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers and that he's just a little slow but he will catch up. He defeated all the odds so far and he will continue to beat them. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hope. You are so kind. I couldn't really sleep well last night. A friend of mine told me it was redeculous to worry about it as it was probably too early and she said that was why they don't normally even schedule the first u/s until 8 or 9 weeks. I felt a little better and I guess only time will tell. One after another, there's always something to worry about. Ughhhhhh.
DeleteI agree with your friend. RE's always schedule ultrasounds a lot earlier than a regular ob-gyn would so I think it's way too early and your little bean's heartbeat is going to be all caught up in no time! When is your ultrasound next week?
DeleteIt is scheduled for next Friday and guess what. It is Friday the 13th... I know it is silly to worry about the date but I really don't like the date. I went shopping with my friend all day. We cooked dinner together and had a really good time.
DeleteI wish my RE just told me she was able to see heart beat. I am beginning to dislike her. Every time she opens her mouth, bad news come out. Why couldn't she just let me be ignorant and happy since there was nothing I could do anyway.
I hear you about Friday the 13th - I am the same way about that date! I would be nervous as heck. I'm glad you spent time with your friend though - sometimes all we need is time with our girlfriends.
DeleteIt sounds like your RE has been acting almost as if she's jealous or mad you're pregnant - it's ridiculous. She could at least act happy for you - this has been your goal since the day you started seeing her. When do you get released to the ob-gyn?
I think normal O/B doctor won't even do ultra sound until 10 or 11 weeks. It also just occurred to me that nobody at that RE office has said "Congratulations" to us yet. It is as if they are waiting for me to fail. I am sure they don't wish me ill, but it is probably that their mind set is very doom and gloom in general.
DeleteI am trying to stay positive. Hopefully, she will let me graduate after this week's visit.
You are kidding me! Nobody has said "congratulations" to you yet at your RE's office?! Wow, that has to be so hard and depressing. I think it's great you are staying positive. You have that little bean in you and I know his little heart is growing. That's all that matters. We're going to stay positive and I'm looking forward to hearing good news on Friday from you :)
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